PART 3 of 3
March 13, 2012
[Note: From the book How to Survive Your Parents. Print, download and Kindle versions of book available through FHU website.]
Because they both support your ego, both love and hate have a way of making you feel wrong any way you slice it, even when you are "right." A serving "demon" can make you feel guilty for accepting her "love." You will also feel guilt for failing to stand up in principle; then resentment takes over. Love a demon or hate a demon, and you become a demon. Love a woman or hate a woman, and you become a woman. The woman becomes your god and the demon in the woman is the god of both of you. And all this love and hate involvement stifles any meaningful change.
Righteousness based on hate makes you guilty; then guilt can confuse you and make you back down when you should fight. You might fight when you are wrong, or when you are right "in the letter," but only with the spirit of rage, not the Spirit of Love. Backing down encourages others to take advantage; pushing too hard, forcing a point, breeds rebellion. The real answer lies in dealing with all emotional attacks with calm, patient, emotionless love.
Emotion is the life, breath, "righteousness" and strength of fools. If emotion doesn't make you forceful, mean and violent, then it drains away your strength, as the emotion of love also drains you. If you don't explode and hurt others, you implode and hurt yourself. But imploding fuels all problems, inside and out. And everything rotten in the world is glorified and justified through expressed (or repressed) love and hate. Everything you do under the spell of emotion is wrong. Everything you do or say in calmness is right. One way you can do no right; the other way you can do no wrong.
Clearly it is folly to struggle with the apparent problem. Address yourself to your own internal problem of self doubt and moral cowardice. Mr. "Nice" Guy, come out from behind your phony image and fight the good fight! As long as you have that silly ego-need to be popular with momma, you cannot fight for her. Eventually you end up fighting against her to keep her from eating you alive! But in the emotionless, selfless, loving war-to-end-all-wars there are no losers: she wins if you win!
Mr. "Nice" Guy, you tend to overlook faults instead of taking a strong stand, because it is more important to you to be liked than to be principled. You cannot be right and remain popular! No matter what the issue is, right threatens all egos. And the feedback or lack of it threatens your ego because it doesn't get the support it is accustomed to in order to feel secure.
Sinners sympathize with one another in their common weakness and wickedness. Prideful egos are afraid of a better world (or better children) because good conditions do not excuse or sustain their own "beautiful" wickedness. Force an ego to face itself and God! How it hurts! And how you are blamed and hated for inflicting what feels like harm. Careful, don't hate back!
Guilty people experience pain in the presence of another's innocence, and that often makes them hate the innocent as though they were doing something wrong by making the guilty feel their guilt.
Children are not perfectly innocent—they are only relatively innocent compared with their sick parents. For this reason, the most sensitive child in the family is inevitably singled out and degraded, often driven to alcohol, drugs and insanity.
Sickness demands the support of other sick people. Sick and evil people will make others sick and evil for the relief of guilt and the fulfillment of emotional need. They punish those who are true to themselves. Weak people cannot survive without a base in the wicked, and the wicked cannot survive long without exploiting the weak. That theme bears repeating over and over again.
The cannibal king is the lowest man in a cannibal culture. He is revered because he embodies and sustains everything that is cannibal. Now do you see why you draw the wrong types to you, why you elect all the wrong people to power?
Parents, watch your mood. Nothing threatens a child's well-being as much as observing a weak parent dragged to his knees by the evils and the stresses of life. Your depression, martyrdom, or fear of sickness is an example which tempts your child to hate you for being so miserable. He feels what you feel, and is threatened by your weakness and sickness. He wants to run away from your gutless, morbid, pathetic, sticky, sympathy-seeking self. If he stays, it is only out of insecurity and guilt, which renders him helpless and submissive.
The sick parental identity is transmitted to the child through his own resentment, and it can make any child feel that his only hope of ever feeling happy or getting well is to stay around to help his miserable, sick, drunk or hypochondriacal parent. A classic scenario is reenacted when a child feels obligated to cure his parent's sickness with "love"—and the parent becomes worse. Once again the child is threatened, and once again feels resentment and guilt. Guilt binds him eternally to the agony of "saving" his parent in order to save himself. It is like sinking deeper and deeper into a swamp.
Dear children everywhere, you cannot save your parents with self-sacrifice. Nor do you have any moral obligation to do this sick and morbid thing. Your parents' only hope of salvation lies in your desire not to help them with the same kind of sick, dependence-creating "love" with which they crippled you. Until you realize this fact deeply, you can never get your own "act" together. Knowing the Truth will free you from the love/hate obligation trap.
Any false belief can cause emotion to rise, and emotion in turn reinforces that false belief. Similarly, a parent's failing causes emotion in a child. This emotion communicates the parent's egocentric condition to the child, along with the lie that the child is responsible for the parent and must save the parent with sustaining "love." Rubbish! Can't you see that this love is motivated by resentment-based guilt, that it destroys what it ought to preserve? The principle is the same for children who want to help their parents as it is for parents who are compelled to "help" their children with phony "love."
You will hear the unrighteous (who deserve to suffer) crying, hoping to solicit pity through your reaction. Pity, while making you feel important, enslaves you to lifting wretched spirits. Beware of the subtle pressure that contains a hidden ego-appeal. The tempting plea is "Save me, O God! If you won't, who will?" Don't fall for it! It is Lucifer's way of pulling you in, keeping you in this hell on earth until he can take you to his abode beneath it! It is a temptation for you to appoint yourself as a responsible god. If you relieve the pressure of temptation in this wrong way by serving them (getting a brownie button for your weakness) they may get better—only to sicken again later, upsetting you into feeling even greater responsibility for the guilt of "helping" them in the first place.
Remember, all emotion tempts you to feel emotional, to feel what others feel, to think what others think, so much so that you will be forced to live out another's will.
If you want to become a true lover of parents, and of children, you must transcend pride with its base in love and hate. God will reward your abstention from emotional junk food and fulfill you with His abiding strength and power.
There are more ego-emotional appeals on hell's earth than you can shake a stick at: reject them all. Meet cruel emotion (which was designed for no other purpose than to upset you and make you doubt yourself) with calmness, and without judgment. Do the same when faced with emotional praise, when others try to overwhelm you with phony emotional love—again, to make you doubt yourself.
When people degrade you, simply see (from the non-emotional distance between you) that this is what they are trying to do. See also that they are using both pleasant and unpleasant emotion to distract you from your unbearably clear perception of them. See them trying to satisfy a selfish need with your emotional reactions. Whichever way you react, with love or with hate, you can never make them truly happy. Free yourself from them and free them from you by practicing unemotional love.
The need to feel emotion is as primitive, as ancient as original sin itself. Were the death-centered ego unable to feel emotion, it would not know it was alive; it could not survive. Witness people gravitating toward music, drugs, excitements and pleasures of all kinds that make them feel alive for illusive moments, but which in reality slowly drain them of their life and strength. Were they to awaken from their emotional stupor, they might realize how much more dead-than-alive they have become. But those who are too prideful to face up to their folly need emotion to help them forget that they are dying.
Emotions communicate lies to the ego, and the dead and dying are terribly afraid of meeting those who are living without emotion, in faith. They will try everything in their power to draw you into the emotional experiences they need, by "killing" you. But if you do not give off the emotion they are looking for, and if, with patience, you neutralize whatever feeling they have left, then all they will have left to look at is their own wrong!!
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Through the meditation taught by the Foundation of Human Understanding, you can find the attitude (more an "altitude") of no attitude, the belief of not believing, the power of no power, the fight of no fight, the love of no love, the goodness of no goodness—even the hate of no hate.
You will learn to put a distance, a space between yourself and others, across which no emotion can pass from one to another; a space where not even (false) sympathy is felt; where there is no rage and no pity, and where only good goes forth and no evil enters.
[NOTE: The antidote to becoming or remaining entangled in emotional love/hate, is learning to deal properly, i.e., without resentment, to pressure of any kind. My Be Still and Know meditation exercise shows you how to do this and helps you practice remaining in the proper state. You can try it before you buy it and, if you like it, purchase your own copy, at fhu.com or by calling 800-877-3227.]
Listen to Roy Masters LIVE call in radio show Monday to Friday from 9 PM to 11 PM Pacific on KDWN Radio in Las Vegas, NV.
© 2012 Roy Masters - All Rights Reserved
Roy Masters—who in his 80s continues to broadcast the longest-running counseling show in talk radio history, his internationally syndicated daily radio program Advice Line, grew up in pre-WWII England. He started his journey toward understanding human nature when as a teen he saw a stage hypnotist at a vaudeville show in Brighton. The hypnotist easily put volunteer subjects in a spell and made them do outlandish things, like dancing with a broom and forgetting their own names.
Puzzled by the hypnotist’s mysterious power, Roy distinctly remembers pondering the question: “Why can’t hypnotism be used to make people act sensibly, rather than foolishly?” Inspired by the idea of harnessing this baffling force for good, he later pursued the art of hypnotism and established a successful hypnotherapy practice.
After several years of practice, Masters made his central and pivotal discovery about the root of people’s emotional problems, addictions and complexes. He realized that people did not need hypnosis, because their core problem was that they are already hypnotized—not by a clever stage performer, but by the stresses, pressures and seductions of daily life.
He used his knowledge to discover a way to help us become de-hypnotized, and discovered that the root of the power of negative suggestion lay in our wrong emotional response, that of resentment. Masters’ remarkably effective exercise, a simple observation technique called Be Still and Know—is at the core of his unmatched track record in helping people overcome even the most serious mental-emotional problems, and is the centerpiece of a successful program within the U.S. military community (“Patriot Outreach”) that is helping thousands of military personnel and their families cope with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).