Coach Dave Daubenmire
January 30, 2014
I think I'll stick my tongue in my check a little bit today.
I often hear from readers that my writings are too “heavy” or “pessimistic,” especially for a Christian man. The truth can be unnerving...frightening actually...so I understand why some don't appreciate my perspective on life.
I am reminded of what the prophet Jeremiah said. “The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests bear rule by their means; and my people love to have it so: and what will ye do in the end thereof?”
So, in the spirit of ear-tickling I would like to lighten up today and point out the absurdity of The Affordable Care Act commonly referred to as Obamacare. In all actuality, if you follow the logic of the left, Obamacare doesn't go far enough. Let me explain.
The Declaration speaks of the “pursuit of happiness.” Nowhere in any of our historical documents will you find anything that confers on the individual the “right” to happiness, but rather, the right to “pursue” it. We can all agree that a healthy life does lead to a happier life, but we must ask ourselves if we have a “guarantee” of happiness.
If there is a “right to healthcare” then what about some other rights that might make us happy? If we were to follow leftist-logic then we need to immediately pass the following addenda to the Affordable Care Act . If personal happiness is a “right” guaranteed by the Constitution and provided by the government then we need to immediate pass the following and tax the folks accordingly.
The Affordable Sex Act. Is there anything that makes a person happier than the right to “love” anytime he or she wants? Unfortunately, not everyone has a sex partner nor can they afford an escort service, so in order to provide much needed sex to the unfulfilled, all escort services will be paid for by the government. After all...what is more necessary for the happiness of hard-working middle-class Americans than the right to be sexually fulfilled? We could call it the ASA or Obamasex.
The Affordable Car Act. Is there anything that can limit your happiness more than the ability to get around? Sadly, there are millions of hard-working middle-class Americans who do not own a car, which prevents them from getting to the rendezvous with “escort” the ASA (see above) provides. After all, how can you be happy without the “right” to travel? How can you expect the needy to be able to get to the Post Office to pick up their Government check? Let's name the ACA Obamacars.
The Affordable Car Repair Act. Of course it goes without saying that if you have a car the darn thing is going to breakdown and we all hate having to pay for those nasty repairs. The ACRA would go a long way to guaranteeing Americans a “right” to own a car. Hard-working middle-class Americans will not have their right to happiness curbed by costly repairs. How about we label it Obamawrench? “If you like your car you can keep your car.”
The Affordable Fuel Act. Traveling by automobile can get very expensive, especially with the instability of gasoline prices . Hard-working middle-class Americans should not miss out on their “right” to be happy because of the price of fuel. The AFA could be called Obamagas.
The Affordable Sports Attendance Act. I know that I speak for many of us who would love to be able to go to any and all sports events . Why should only the wealthy have the chance to go to the Super Bowl, or the World Series, or the Daytona 500? Certainly you would agree that sporting events make millions of people very happy and, since happiness is a “ right,” tickets to those events should be provided by the government. We could call this one Obamatickets which would be a perfect name for the the ASAA providing sports tickets to hard-working middle-class Americans.
The Affordable Vendors Act. Why should food stamps be limited only to those who qualify because they are unfortunate enough to have to sit on the couch and watch re-runs of Jerry Springer? Why should hard-working middle-class Americans, who our government is looking out for, take advantage of Obamatickets only to be forced to pay the high prices that the vendors charge at the games? At $8 per beer how do we expect the average hard-working middle-class American, and his family, to enjoy their time at the Superbowl? The AVA would guarantee the “right” to happiness that free beer and nachos would provide. We could call the AVA Obamamunchies.
The Affordable Pot Act. Now that marijuana is finally being legalized across America it is important that everyone have the “right” to a free buzz. Smoking a doobie should not require hard-working middle-class Americans to take money that they are planning to use for food and spend it on their right to get stoned. Potheads require dope to make them happy. We could call it the APA, or more popularly, Obamabuzz.
The Affordable Family Vacation Act. Now you tell me, is it fair that the average hard-working middle-class American has never had the opportunity to go to Hawaii, Martha's Vineyard, or the French Riviera? Is there anything that helps one relax more than a time away from the stresses of work? In order to keep Obamacare costs down mandatory vacations should be provided for every American. This time of relaxation would help keep hard-working middle-class Americans healthy, thus lowering their risk of stroke and heart failure. The AFAA could be affectionately called Obamabeach.
The Affordable Media Act. I don't know about you, but I am getting hooked on media and it is getting expensive. Shouldn't hard-working middle-class Americans have the right to whatever media makes them happy? Free ipods, ipads, iphones, cable tv, computers, movies, and internet access should not be available only to the rich. Only hard-core conservatives could be so heartless as to get in the way of the right to happiness of all social-media addicts. The AMA could be known as Obamatainment.
The Affordable Home Act. Can someone explain to me why someone has to pay for a place to live? If you have ever been homeless you would have to agree that one's happiness is greatly diminished if required to sleep in a cardboard box down by the river. In fact, if there is actually “equal rights” in America, each hard-working middle-class American should be able to have the “dream home” of his/her choice built by the government. This would include all furnishings. A hard mattress can make one very unhappy. The AHA could be called Obamapad.
The Affordable Utilities Act. The cold weather this winter, with it's corresponding high fuel costs, is making life hard for many hard-working middle-class Americans. No one should have to sacrifice food and medicine in order to simply stay warm. And, of course, with the obvious impact of global warming millions will have to pay high costs for air-conditioning in what is sure to be a sweltering summer. The AUA will affectionately be called Obamacomfort.
The Affordable Lawyer Act. There are millions of Americans who are currently getting ripped of in this nation. Unfortunately, we are learning that you get only the justice that you are able to afford. Making all legal services free would guarantee happiness for hard-working middle-class Americans who have limited funds to sue whoever they damn well please. The ALA would be called Obamasue and would help the less fortunate get even with their oppressors.
The Affordable Religion Act. Over 85% of hard-working middle-class Americans identify themselves as Christian and would like to see the Lord's work more fully supported in this country. Even though many are taxed so much that they are not able to give more they would love to see their local church prosper. The ARA would provide a monthly tithe to the church of one's choice. I believe that Obamatithe would be a fitting name for this mandatory government program.
The Affordable Travel Act. Many hard-working middle-class Americans do not have the ability to “get away” as freely and as often as the wealthy. The ATA would provide free travel to all Americans thereby enabling the children of hard-working middle-class Americans to visit places and events that are usually available only to the winners of life's lottery. Obamafly would ensure the “right to happiness” of all Americans, especially those fleeing the long arm of the law.
The Affordable Education Act. Why should an Ivy League education be available only to those who can afford it? There is no doubt that equal educational opportunities level the playing field for America's young adults. The AEA, commonly called Obamacation would open Harvard and Yale and other elitist schools to hard-working middle-class American children, free of charge of course.
The Affordable Freedom From Government Act. Nothing could insure the happiness of Americans more than freeing them from the edicts of the Federal Government. Once government gets unaffordable to the individual American we will have the right to “opt out” of any laws that violate the liberty of the individual American. The AFFG, known as Obamastickitupyournose, would remove the “right” to happiness and reinstate the “pursuit” of happiness as the only guarantee.
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The best part is that these steps would help with “income inequality.” In fact, there would be almost no need to work and we would all be able to rely on government to provide everything we need. Now that is freedom!!
I am sure there are many other “Acts” that we could put into place that would level the playing field for hard-working middle-class Americans, but this would be a great start to making America much more fair.
After all, life is fair...right? Especially for politicians favorite lip-service constituency...hard-working middle-class Americans.
Perhaps these could all be bundled into one bill called The Affordable Life Act...or Obamadaddy.
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