CHURCHES ARE SPREADING MAD COW DISEASE
Coach Dave Doubenmire
What is all of the fuss about? Mad cow disease is nothing new. It has been poisoning America for years.
It is an insidious disease, scientists tell us, attacking the central nervous system. The results are not immediate, sometimes taking years to manifest, but the results are devastating. It slowly hinders ones ability to think, leading eventually to dementia and the total loss of the power to reason.
"Is our meat supply safe?" the headlines ask. Can you trust Wendy’s and McDonalds? Can you be sure that the meat at your local grocery is not tainted? Just to be safe, maybe it would be wise to stop eating meat.
Perhaps we should ask pastors the same questions. Is the meat they are serving us safe?
The Church, for generations the central nervous system of America, has been ravaged by Mad Cow. Once the safe-guard of our nation, she has lost her ability to reason. How else can you explain the inability to distinguish those who are churched from those who are not? Dementia is running rampant because we have been fed a contaminated Gospel.
Hebrews 5-14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.
The disease infected us quietly. Despite the firm warning of some of our veteran chefs, our seminaries were turning out a new breed of cooks, with fancy recipes for a new casserole. It looked good, it tasted fine, and it appeared to have no negative effects on those who ate it. America, we were told, was ready for a new dish, one that could be easily prepared in the micro wave, and we liked this new chef. He seemed like such a nice man. Certainly he would not give us tainted food.
Many pastors were leery at first, holding fast to older, proven methods, warning about the dangers of feeding people this rotten flesh. But gradually, as they began to watch those short-order cooks who served this meat grow larger churches, the temptation became too great. This new, improved hamburger helper, flavored not with salt, but with the spices of diversity and tolerance, looked and smelled the same. But it was easier to digest than the food the pastors use to serve and it required almost no chewing. Seven course meals were out and fast food was in. Three points and a poem replaced fire and brimstone.
"Feed my sheep", Jesus said. So the churches did. The new, seeker-friendly menu was great for business. The cafeteria was full, and more customers were coming every week. A generation starving for spiritual nourishment was being spoon fed poison meat.
Consider the entrees these enlightened chefs served.
"Jesus loves you in spite of your sin. He
will be your best buddy"
Sort of makes your stomach growl, doesn't it?
Pardon my cold-heartedness PETA, but the chickens have come home to roost.
Someone call the FDA! Some pastors are spreading Mad Cow disease and America is losing her mind!
Check the symptoms. Gays want to marry and churches bless the union. In fact, we now have gays offering the sacraments. MOO!
Fifty percent of all Christian marriages end in divorce and the Church crows about defending the sanctity of that union. MOO!
We have condoms to prevent disease and abortion to prevent children. MOO!
We educate our kids in Godless schools but rave about their sports program. MOO!
But why worry? Our attendance is up and so is the Dow. Things are looking better.
Mad Cow has taken over. We are losing our minds.
In the area where I live Amish food is gaining popularity. Restaurants serving "Home-style cooking" have customers standing in line. Sick of fast food and microwave dinners Americans are finding something of value in the old ways of cooking. It has a more lasting taste, and as Grandma used to say, it "sticks to your ribs".
We need a new diet. The time has come when pastors must feed the flock something that "sticks to the ribs". Years of greasy Grace have lead to a dazzling showcase but an empty stockroom. Rewrite the menu and include some old family basics.
"The soul that sins, it shall die"
Alexis de Tocqueville is credited with having said:
"I sought for the key to the greatness and genius of America in her harbors…in her fertile fields and boundless forests; in her rich mines and vast world commerce; in her public school system and institutions of learning. I sought for it in her democratic Congress and matchless Constitution. Not until I went into the churches of America and heard her pulpits aflame with righteousness did I understand the secret of her genius and power. America is great because America is Good, and if America ever ceases to be good America will cease to be great."
Any nutritionists will tell you "You are what you eat." America, look in the mirror. Do you like what you see?
© 2004 - Dave Doubenmire - All Rights Reserved
Coach Dave Daubenmire hosts a talk show called Pass The Salt heard on The Word 880am WRFD in Columbus, Ohio. A former high school football coach sued by the ACLU in 1999 for praying with his football team, Coach Daubenmire is President of Pass The Salt Ministries www.ptsalt.com and Minutemen United www.minutemenunited.org, which are dedicated to standing for Christian values in the Public arena. Coach can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.
"Feed my sheep", Jesus said. So the churches did. The new, seeker-friendly menu was great for business. The cafeteria was full, and more customers were coming every week. A generation starving for spiritual nourishment was being spoon fed poison meat."