PART 1 of 2
Not all of your responses to pressure are caused by stress. Innocent circumstances may be converted into stress situations that severely damage your health and personal relationships. Observe from now on how a faulty attitude can cause you to become unnecessarily emotional.
Suppose, for example, you give me a gift or favor me with some special service but with the secret motive of obligating me to do something in return. Suppose, also, that I do not realize your motive, and believe you are doing that kindness for me out of the goodness of your heart. Therefore, at the time for repayment I do not feel the pull of obligation. You know, of course, what your reaction will be. You will be upset. This is a simple example of how a secret motive can lead to a bad emotional upset.
Anything you give for a calculated return is manipulation. When that manipulation is successful, you learn to get your way, in which case you are encouraged to manipulate me again and again. However, when manipulation does not work (and sooner or later it won’t), it backfires and causes you to become very upset. At this point it appears as though I have done something wrong to you, and up pops another reason for an emotional upset—judgment. You have now projected your guilt and made me appear in a bad light as if I were the one doing the manipulating and taking the unfair advantage. After all, the evidence is there—I have your “gift” with those broken strings. Clearly you have been outfoxed. And now again, because your ego cannot bear to face the truth of your own wrong toward me, you are fixated to the truth about my wrong.
Suppose I now resent your judgment. This temptation compels me to err again, and that wrong in me (actually the projection of your wrong) becomes a real threat, and a real reason for you to be upset with me. A credible reason to be upset has now evolved—but one which you originated initially. My revenge, having become a living, breathing wrong (what is wrong with you, now in me) distracts you from seeing your own wickedness and makes it doubly impossible for you to see the cause of it—your greedy, selfish attitude. This is precisely how parasite personalities get away with murder—yours and mine. They are liberated from feeling the guilt of their cruelty by setting up faulty reactions in their victims, and making those victims think THEY are crazy.
Psychopaths such as these may be corrected or stopped, but only if their secret motives are exposed. Either way, that can never happen as long as they succeed in upsetting you, and making you out to be the bad guy.
Therefore, become calm and composed and stay in your own center. The closer you come to your center, the more pure your motive is, the more of a contrast you are going to be to those dangerous, ambitious, parasitic personalities. You will be able to see right through their motives and cope with the subtle, hidden attitudes in them and in yourself.
If you want to master yourself, your OWN motives must become pure. Only then are you qualified to detect and defend yourself against the games people play.
The less honest and pure your own motives are, the less distinct will be your perception of your weaknesses and the evil intentions of others. Although you might sense someone’s evil intentions (even from your lower level of consciousness), it would be purely instinctual on your part—an instance of “it takes one to know one.”
Reacting with instinct as an animal, you respond in one of two ways. You either become excited with anger, or you are inspired to take undue advantage of the other person’s secret desire to take advantage of you. Isn't that a typically girly con game? She pretends to be taken in by those gifts and flowers, and accepting his gifts she gives him what he wants. Converted now into a sexual junkie, he becomes addicted to paying a higher and higher price for his elusive advantage and she (for her part) takes full advantage of her victim's need to use her.
But the tables can be turned on her. She can become threatened in a mental/emotional way. Deep down she knows that if SHE can get him, so can another woman. Having become dependent like a parasite upon his male weakness, her sense of security is now also based on the sense of power and control she gets in the exchange. That makes her work harder and harder to please him so as to hold on to her “advantage”—the gifts and the power. At the point where she becomes too demanding, her subtle ploy is exposed, and the game is up. Reacting against her exposed evil motive, he invariably becomes upset, rebellious, resentful, and more often than not makes a “successful” escape to another female. Out of the frying pan into the fire. Now her personal threat factor evolves an emotional reaction to a loss. “It is all HIS fault,” she moans. And naturally he maintains similar judgments against her.
Now the question is, who caused what and when did it all begin? It is clear that both are at fault. Both parties had their own special motives that sooner or later introduced them to the shocking wickedness behind their “lover’s” smiles and pretenses. The same thing can happen in business deals, gambling, and the various ego support friendships.
Selfishness is really a terrible evil. That is how others see it in you whether or not you see it in yourself. From within your point of view, that of an alligator licking your chops, you are only being good to yourself in seeking fulfillment and gratifying your gigantic ego’s greedy needs. YOUR GROW¬ING EMOTIONAL EGO NEEDS ARE ALWAYS WICKED, and offer fair game for the other hungry manipulator alligators that seek gratification and a sense of power. Any relationship based on need and greed is a living hell. There are never any winners no matter who seems to be on top.
Perhaps you now see that before you can resolve any of your emotional responses to anyone or anything, you must first become objective to your own motives and your own particular set of hungers and prejudices. At that point the way you see life changes. The way people react to you changes also, and you will be surprised to find out that most, if not all of your morbid emotional feelings, spring from the frustration of your will and/or your own selfishness laid upon others.
THERE CAN BE NO FRUSTRATION WITHOUT WILLFULNESS. Frustration indicates willfulness. Frustration is proof that your will is involved in a manipulative way somewhere down the line. It makes no difference what that willed thing or goal is, whether it is love, money, position of importance, a job, or simply a happy home you never had as a child. The emphasis on that goal causes you to leave your principles behind and become subject to the goal object.
The more objective you are the more clearly you can see selfish, egocentric motives lurking behind everything you say and do. You will also see that it is what you expect and do not receive that makes you so upset, and it is what you do get that makes you more frustrated, hungry, selfish and demanding. Remember that selfishness has two upsetting, provocative sides. It is both seductive and cruel.
Here are some examples of how attitudes bring about emotional stress—in yourself as well as in others.
A mother reacts badly to her son's school grades. The secret reason for her emotional upset arises from the fact that she is living through her son and trying to make up through him the sense of failing in her own life. His poor grades threaten the pride she wishes to take in him. Like every dyed-in-the-wool ego maniac (and all too many parents), she believes that her child is supposed to reflect HER glory to the world, and he does not. Hence mother’s will is frustrated and she becomes desperate. This causes her to feel resentful—and this resentment in turn fuels her determination to force him to succeed in school. Unfortunately, she doesn't realize that through the pressure, she is projecting into her son her own secret failing which she is seeking to cover up by making it good in him. So the son reacts, rebels and fails. He even finds a perverted sense of ego accomplishment and satisfaction in thwarting his cruel mother's goal. But it is MOTHER'S attitude ultimately, that is the root cause of MOTHER’s being upset. Add to that mother’s blame and stubbornness.
Vast amounts of emotion are also needed by guilty egos that escape Reality through being enveloped in sensations of security. So the more wrong you are, the more you find yourself living in a state of anxiety without knowing why and without there being an obvious external cause.
Can you understand these two primitive causes for emotionality, one rising from the other? One system of upsets comes from real threats, while the other arises from wrong attitudes.
But take a good long look at the bottom line of attitude and you will see that it is attitude alone which sets you up to react and overreact to life’s real stresses. Wrong attitudes render you sensual instead of sensible, and that sensuality is what makes you more and more sensitive to real stress. Pride then transfers the relationship from your True Self to the conditioning of the world.
It is the desire for some kind of ego benefit or advantage that brings you to the threshold of disobedience, dishonor and disadvantage. Soon you find yourself reacting negatively to the cruelty behind the smiles and deceit to which you once reacted to positively. What has the power to make you feel good also has the power to make you feel bad.
What now has the power to make you feel inferior embodies the same false spirit of that which originally made you respond greedily and with vanity! It need not be the same person through whom the shock originally came. To take you captive and subject you to humiliation, that person need only discover (and hold out to you), your secret need or wish.
Without Grace with which to conquer fear and inferiority, you are forced to out-torment your tormentors—trying to place them in the same unfortunate position as you are in. While this subject is another area of exploration, and although we are primarily interested in understanding the emotional states caused by attitude, there is an extra lesson to be learned here.
You are no doubt presently involved with the numerous fears and anxieties that have arisen from being emotionally upset and which come from being entangled in marital or business intrigues. But hear this: It will not help to MERELY THINK IN TERMS OF REVENGE or to try to worry your way out of a problem. Either approach will compound your fear and anxiety—not only because both are wrong, but also because both evoke negative animal feelings.
Daydreaming in offensive/defensive terms of carefully prepared speeches is sufficient to cause the sweating palm type of anxiety. This is because your thoughts seem as real as reality when you are lost in them—it will appear as though the threatening personality in fantasy were actually present, and you will respond as though it were.
Having a person at bay in your head is more manageable than confronting him. In your fantasy world you can be brave in thought, word and deed. You can outfox and foil all sorts of imagined verbal attacks and physical assaults and still come out with your ego smelling like a rose. While involved with all the mental gymnastics, your ego also evokes emotion, and emotion is the stuff escape as well as fantasy are made of. Other negative side effects are so numerous as to be uncountable.
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In order for your guilty ego to avoid realizing the Truth, and in your desperation to escape Reality, your ego’s need for escape grows to call upon a picture system to produce larger and larger amounts of emotional energy to fuel those mental adventures. And so, without realizing what is causing your fears and disturbances, you live more and more guiltily in a tense emotional state where you cannot realize the reason for your anxiety. Think of it! You are presently emotionally reacting to your dream state as if it were a real environment. This process debilitates you. You become less (spiritually) equipped to face people in real life situations and even less willing to face the Reality within. So here comes the fantasy again. You become more fearful and guilty—and increasingly sensitive to the stresses of life, both real and imagined. For part two click below.
Click here for part -----> 2,
[A special form of emotional self-control is the key to relating properly to yourself and to the world. Your very life depends on your responding in a right way to what is wrong with you, so that it cannot get or remain inside and rip you apart. To put up an invisible, impenetrable force shield of calm patience around you, you must learn to deal properly, without resentment, to pressures of any kind, whether from within or without. The audio exercises on my new credit-card-sized Cure Stress Device audio player show you how to do this and help you practice remaining in the proper state. To get your own Cure Stress Device, CLICK HERE, ]
Listen to Roy Masters LIVE call in radio show Monday to Friday from 9 PM to 11 PM Pacific on KDWN Radio in Las Vegas, NV.
© 2013 Roy Masters - All Rights Reserved
Roy Masters who in his 80s continues to broadcast the longest-running counseling show in talk radio history, his internationally syndicated daily radio program Advice Line, grew up in pre-WWII England. He started his journey toward understanding human nature when as a teen he saw a stage hypnotist at a vaudeville show in Brighton. The hypnotist easily put volunteer subjects in a spell and made them do outlandish things, like dancing with a broom and forgetting their own names.
Puzzled by the hypnotist's mysterious power, Roy distinctly remembers pondering the question: "Why can't hypnotism be used to make people act sensibly, rather than foolishly?" Inspired by the idea of harnessing this baffling force for good, he later pursued the art of hypnotism and established a successful hypnotherapy practice.
After several years of practice, Masters made his central and pivotal discovery about the root of people's emotional problems, addictions and complexes. He realized that people did not need hypnosis, because their core problem was that they are already hypnotized not by a clever stage performer, but by the stresses, pressures and seductions of daily life.
He used his knowledge to discover a way to help us become de-hypnotized, and discovered that the root of the power of negative suggestion lay in our wrong emotional response, that of resentment. Masters' remarkably effective exercise, a simple observation technique called Be Still and Know is at the core of his unmatched track record in helping people overcome even the most serious mental-emotional problems, and is the centerpiece of a successful program within the U.S. military community (Patriot Outreach) that is helping thousands of military personnel and their families cope with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).