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By Ellen Makkai
May 6, 2009

The ever-vigilant ACLU, notorious for defending indefensible fringe behaviors, has a new cause célèbre--public nudity.

Last time I checked, my common sense said public nudity is not normal or practical.

This latest ACLU lunacy stems from last year’s Halloween high jinks on the part of “Naked Pumpkin Runners,” 12 Boulder, CO pranksters running around nude with nothing but pumpkins on their heads. The pumpkin clad streakers were ticketed for indecent exposure. Due to the Colorado’s strict sex offender laws, these bare-bottom trotters could have landed on the state sex offender registry and been lumped together with bona-fide scumbags guilty of criminally obscene activity.

Eleven of the 12 prancing pumpkins pled guilty to a lesser crime and pumpkin #12 beat the wrap altogether.

Last week the Boulder chapter of the ACLU held a forum, “Naked in Boulder.” They hope to tweak the sex offender law and protect streakers, naked bike riders, protesters, etc. from the more serious criminal sex offender designation.

But according to Boulder’s newspaper, The Daily Camera, the opportunistic Boulder ACLU is maxing out the streaker issue by lobbying to “protect nudity as a constitutionally sheltered freedom of expression.”

Strange, I don’t recall “public nudity” in my eighth-grade civics class during discussion of our Constitutional freedoms of expression.

“Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

Nope, no nudity mentioned there. Probably because our founding fathers never imagined its citizen elites would rally around public nudity as a civil right.

This newly suggested constitutional right defies logic. Even uninhibited three year-olds recognize propriety; they break into giggles, displaying a healthy embarrassment, when another tot cavorts in the raw.

In contrast, many nudies convince themselves that they are progressively beyond us repressed, uptight prudes who don’t want to display our pimples, dimples and privates. Those of us who prefer apparel in public, are classified as “clothing-compulsive, nudo-phobes” by unclad libertines.

The Naturist Society already considers public nudity a civil liberty asking members to “join in our struggle to preserve public land for nude use.”

“We work for clothing-optionality, body acceptance, self-expression, civil liberties…” says the angry Senior Unlimited Nudes with brain-bending rhetoric. “We struggle against prudery, shame and censorship...”

Even some Christians have been seduced to strip and gambol about sans clothes. They salad-bar the Bible by selecting some scriptures while ignoring others. The Naturist-Christians Organization equates clothing with shame, saying, “We all share… a common desire to live a shame free life--naked and unashamed, as our Creator, who formed us in His own image, intended for us.”

Interesting twist.

If the Almighty intended for us to walk around starkers why did He clothe formerly leafless Adam and Eve, post-Eden, once their innate modesty kicked in? And once Jesus delivered the naked demon-possessed wretch from his torment, clothing represented his return to sanity and society.

Ironically, the same time “Naked In Boulder” promoted liaise faire laws for streakers and fellow birthday-suit aficionados, public nudity was banned in high Alpine hamlet Appenzell Outer Rhodes in Switzerland –that’s Europe, folks, where public nude bathing is practically de rigueur.

The Associated Press reports that Appenzellers were fed up with buck-naked freedom of expression. Voters “passed legislation banning naked hiking after dozens of mostly German nudists started rambling through their picturesque region… citizens objected to encountering walkers wearing nothing but hiking boots and socks.”


The ACLU also has a tough uphill hike if it hopes to secure constitutionally protected status for public nudity. Acknowledged or not, our sensible Creator mercifully hardwired us humans with inhibitions as a protective measure. Most of us prefer a dignified modesty for ourselves, and don’t want to be subjected to others’ bare bodies.

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But what can you do? There will always be those rebellious humanoid specimens who override their sophisticated divine circuitry and run around naked with nothing but pumpkins on their heads.

� 2009 - Ellen Makkai - All Rights Reserved

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Former syndicated columnist, Ellen Makkai, is a Bible-reading grandmother who lives in the Denver foothills and blogs again at











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