by Alan Stang
June 3, 2008
The announcement of Ted Kennedy’s cancer problem launched a typhoon of hosannas – especially in government – singing the qualities and accomplishments of the man from Taxachusetts, including comments by el presidente Jorge W. Boosh, John “the McChurian Candidate” McCain, and a typically maudlin performance by the only senator who has been there longer, Robert Byrd. What do we know about this man?
You find out what someone is made of under stress. By now, Chappaquiddick is almost forty years old. Few Americans remember it. What happened? Teddy and his pals were boozing and maybe fornicating with some ladies not their wives. Teddy drove off a bridge with one of them, Mary Jo Kopechne. Was he drunk? The car turned upside down in the water.
Kennedy somehow got back to the mainland – later, he said he swam, thereby qualifying for the Olympics – and went to bed, without telling the cops that Mary Jo was still in the car. The original idea apparently was to claim he had nothing to do with it. Of course, he wasn’t thinking clearly after the trauma he had suffered, but he did have the presence to call the Kennedy “Mafia,” which swung into action to save his career, not Mary Jo.
Later, I interviewed John Farrar at length. Farrar was a professional diver and a member of the Martha’s Vineyard area rescue team. He was the man who routinely tried to recover people trapped in submerged cars. He got there too late for Miss Kopechne. John confirmed that she was alive for a time after the car went under – maybe a long time. He said this was not at all unusual. You can confirm this yourself by turning a glass upside down in a bowl of water. Notice that the water does not fill the whole glass. A pocket of air is trapped above it.
John Farrar told me he saw proof not only that Mary Jo was alive and breathing, but that she was trying desperately but unsuccessfully to get out. She tried until she used up all the air. Only then did she die. There was time, plenty of time for the man who had been driving to rescue her rather than flee to the mainland to call his “mafia” for help. But, remember, this is Ted Kennedy we are talking about, not you or me.
Call me antiquated, call me quirky, but I believe that if a lady grants you her favors to the extent that you are fornicating with her, then noblesse oblige kicks in; she is ex oficio under your protection, and you are obliged to see her safely home. But, again, that is just my opinion. I recognize that, like Teddy, you may have some other multicultural opinion which is just as good as mine.
Had this happened in any other state, the probability is great that Teddy would have gone to the slammer for manslaughter for some years. But remember that the inmates of Taxachusetts are congenital morons who have made it a perpetual Kennedy fiefdom. Notice that they speak a barely recognizable version of English. Like many other legislators, Teddy wants his wife to succeed him, and because voters in the commonwealth are so stupid, that could easily happen.
By the time the “mafia” was finished working the story, Teddy was not the perpetrator; he was a victim. The doctors even made him wear a prominent horse collar, no doubt because he had spent so much time and effort, according to the official story, “diving repeatedly” to pull the lady out. But after all, you can’t blame Teddy for not being a professional.
Had it not been for Chappaquiddick, take my word for it, Teddy Kennedy would have been President. He would have run in 1972 and he would have been elected in deference to Joe, Jr., the oldest brother, who was lost in Roosevelt’s War, the murdered Jack and Bobby. Indeed, Teddy did run for the nomination against Carter in 1980, but his classic Irish charm and family name could not overcome Chappaquiddick, even campaigning against a man who has less personal appeal than Josef Stalin.
Finally, there is the fact that one of Teddy’s dogs is named “Splash.” Yes, that would be expected for a man as fond of water sports as Teddy. In his case, however, he is telling us that, yes, he did it, yes, he got away with it, he is laughing in your face and there is nothing you can do. It is somewhat akin to the book O.J. Simpson tried to market, in which he would have explained how he would have done it had he done it.
This interpretation is not my imagination. Distinguished social arbiter Jay Leno commented that for Teddy to call a dog “Splash,” is tantamount to Jack Abramoff naming a dog “Bribe.” So I must be right. Needless to say, I have nothing against Teddy’s dog. He didn’t name himself. Also I love dogs. I have one named “Mr. Hyde” (who sometimes is Dr. Jekyll but is usually insane). Also, when the Love Priestess heard about “Splash,” she told me I could say anything I like about Teddy.
So, one wonders what Teddy has against Mohammedan water boarding now. And, by the way, Teddy didn’t learn anything from Chappaquiddick. Some years later, at la Brasserie, a District of Criminals restaurant, drunk as usual, he threw a waitress on top of his booze buddy, Chris Dodd, of Connecticut, and then jumped aboard himself, thereby creating the famous “waitress sandwich,” a culinary first.
Yes, that’s Chris Dodd, who started this year’s campaign as a candidate for the Democrud nomination. How did they get away with it? Simply because the bimbos who were their dates at La Brasserie had excused themselves, perhaps to sober up in the ladies’ room. The “sandwich” disintegrated before they could return, when another waitress confronted the distinguished solons and screamed. Thank God she did; the victim weighed only 105 pounds and could have been maimed or killed under a creature the size of Senator Kennedy.
What does Teddy do in the Senate? Remember, he has been there for forty six years. We can only hit the highlights. El presidente Jorge W. Boosh presently runs the illegal alien invasion that is diluting and destroying our country. Who started it? The envelope, please! It was Ted Kennedy, in 1965.
Here is what he said when Lyndon B. Johnson, the Pedernales Sidewinder, signed the Hart-Celler Act into law: “The bill will not flood our cities with immigrants. It will not upset the ethnic mix of our society. It will not relax the standards of admission. It will not cause American workers to lose their jobs.” Was he lying? Of course he was lying. He was born to lie. Remember that he was expelled from Harvard for cheating in 1951. The Hart-Celler Act replaced the Immigration Act of 1924, which favored immigrants from northern and western Europe.
We know he was lying because in the more than forty years since, Kennedy has labored tirelessly to expand the invasion of our country; to do all the things he swore up and down wouldn’t happen. Now he works with “presumptive” Republicrud nominee John “the McChurian Candidate” McCain for the purpose.
When he entered Congress, Teddy eloquently opposed abortion. After all, he’s a Roman Catholic, like Sam Giancana, the capo di tutti capi with whom big brother Jack shared a mistress. As soon as he found out who is running things, he flipped and for some forty years he has staunchly backed abortion. He even voted to keep partial birth abortion legal. That’s the method in which the baby is literally torn into pieces while part of it is still in the womb.
Ted Kennedy has always voted to confiscate your guns. In 2006 he was one of the 16 senators who voted against the Vitter Amendment, which prohibited the confiscation of legally-possessed firearms during a disaster. Teddy doesn’t need guns, you see. He has bodyguards, and they are armed. What’s your problem?
Teddy opposes drilling for oil in Alaska. He favors “alternative” sources of energy like wind (and you need to know that I am manfully suppressing a marvelously clever comment here) but he opposes the Cape Wind turbine project because it would be built near his home. Like Al Gore, he is “more equal.”
Teddy staunchly favors same-sex marriage. Whichever Socialist is elected President in November, you can be sure that Teddy will be working with Hillary despite his endorsement of Obama to impose a Soviet style medical system. You would have to look long and hard to find someone who has done more to destroy medical freedom in this country.
In a remarkable irony, you will learn in a column by health commentator Byron Richards, CCN, that Teddy’s tumor may well have been triggered by the orthodox treatment he took last year for his blocked carotid artery, including surgery, blood pressure medication and statin drugs to lower cholesterol. Extremely low cholesterol is dangerous and statins are known to cause cancer. Of course, years of heavy drinking and porky poundage did not help. He weighed only 225 when he squashed that waitress.
In fact, wherever you look for more than forty years, you find Teddy Kennedy working to communize our country, to defeat it in war, to bring it to its knees and to submerge it in world government. He collaborated with the Soviets during the “Cold War.” He collaborated with Boosh on No Child Left Unbrainwashed. He was a leader in the campaign to impose communism on South Africa. These are just a few examples.
He has never worked a real job in his life, not a day. He is a man of no talent. He is where he is only because of his name. Without that name, having to make it on his own, Edward Moore Kennedy would have been a men’s room attendant in a skid row flop house, maybe a bouncer in a ten dollar whore house. No higher.
So, the problem is not that Teddy has a tumor. Teddy IS a tumor WE have.
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Needless to say, I hope he recovers, but to do that he probably would need to get “alternative” and “unorthodox.” I can recommend a couple of good naturopathic physicians, Teddy. Of course, your insurance wouldn’t cover their therapies. Because of your opposition, Medicare does not approve them. You may have to pay out of pocket. Call me, if you are sober.