by Marc H. Rudov
December 19, 2009
She Ignored Her Gut
Since Thanksgiving, news of the Tiger Woods infidelity scandal has continued to shock us. The mistress count of this once-squeaky-clean superstar increments daily. The last tally was 14, but I gave up after he was linked to Jessica Simpson. Tiger’s behavior is reprehensible; his sponsors — and wife — were right to leave him.
There are a few facets of this sordid story, though, that aren’t surprising. First, Elin Nordegren, Tiger’s scorned wife, inflicted domestic violence on her cheating husband — with impunity. No matter how angry or jealous or wronged a woman feels, she has no right to hit a man. Yet, our society condones and trivializes female-on-male violence. Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady) most likely will see his dangerous fiancee get a slap on the wrist for her violence.
Had Tiger caught Elin with other men, then proceeded to beat and scratch her face, chase her with a golf club, and smash her car windows, he’d be in jail or anger management. America’s gynocracy, however, has a double standard: a cheating husband is worse than an animal — while a cheating wife is merely a helpless, troubled victim.
Second, it has been reported that Elin will move her children to Sweden, without Tiger’s permission. As I’ve written before: women own children; men rent them. Can you imagine any judge allowing a man to move his children far away from a cheating wife? No, you can’t.
Third, it’s not too surprising, and is perhaps ironic, that Tiger was unfaithful to Elin: father Earl was unfaithful to Tiger’s mother. Products of cheating, alcoholic, violent, or distant parents often bury their feelings about painful childhood experiences, harden their hearts, and then repeat those same behaviors in adulthood.
Finally, Elin could have predicted her husband’s philandering. According to various sources, her gut told her to not to get involved with Tiger, but she ignored her gut — always a bad idea. Let’s examine the red flags:
Tiger and Elin met at the 2001 British Open at Royal Lytham & St. Annes, where Elin was working as an au pair for pro golfer Jesper Parnevik and his wife Mia. Allegedly, Elin had no interest in golf, golfers, the limelight, celebrities, or being any man’s eye-candy. Tiger, the defending champion, possibly rattled by meeting Elin, finished in 25th place.
Tiger frequently tried to reach Elin at the Parnevik’s home, but she wasn’t interested and didn’t take his calls. Too wimpy to ask her out directly, he enlisted a friend to intervene. Further turned off by Tiger’s use of a “dating agent,” Elin rejected him repeatedly.Viewing female conquests like golf trophies en route to besting Jack Nicklaus’s record, Tiger relentlessly pursued Elin. Finally, in 2002, she agreed to go out with him. They married in 2004. The rest is history.
Why do people cheat? Simple. Boys are raised to be cheaters; girls are raised to encourage cheating. Both parents – especially mothers — are responsible. Did you teach your son to be chivalrous, that he must be a perfect gentleman, that the toilet seat’s default position is down, that he must court women and finance their lifestyles? Did you teach your daughter to expect and demand such largesse from men?
Congratulations! You emasculated your son and disempowered your daughter. You taught your kids to use and disrespect their paramours and spouses — and themselves — that sex is a weapon, a reward, a financial transaction.
You convinced your son that life with a woman is a mandatory ride on the Estrogen Express and coached your daughter to drive the train. You taught your son to chase and your daughter to be chased. Are you surprised, then, that either one of them has, or is, a cheating spouse?
Luxurious Salve for Her Wounds
Cheaters are cowards. Instead of fixing or leaving relationships they hate, cheaters engage in deceit — because they’re bored, insecure, sexually dissatisfied, poorly matched, predisposed to infidelity, or all of the above. Some believe monogamy is humanly impossible. Really? Then, so is sobriety. In fact, infidelity is a choice — like obesity, drug addiction, and unhappiness.
Given all the marital duplicity in our society, it’s clear that lots of folks enter relationships and marriages assuming it will occur — either by them or to them. There’s one difference, though: payout. Elin Nordegren, who, in five years, rose from nanny to mommy, could walk away from Tiger with $300M — luxurious salve for her wounds. She’ll prove, again, that women financially benefit from infidelity.
A new term has surfaced in our lexicon: Tiger Woods Syndrome. It’s a condition of marital uncertainty causing women suddenly to question their husbands’ whereabouts. Why? Men and women cheat equally, and most never get caught. Did men ever speak of Caroline Kennedy Syndrome or Kerry Kennedy Syndrome? Any man who thinks his wife is too innocent to cheat is worse than naive.
Cheating whacks men disproportionately hard. First, men pay alimony in 97% of cases, regardless of whose infidelity ends the marriage. Second, cheating wives can get pregnant and then, surreptitiously, deliver extramarital babies. Paternity fraud, according to DNA tests around the world, occurs about 30% of the time.
There are plenty of women wishing — secretly and not so secretly — that they could trade places with Elin. After all, she’s getting what most women really want from marriage: casa, cash, and kids.
So, to every woman who wants to catch her own Tiger — to trade pain for payment — I offer the following gameplan: