Mirrors
don’t lie. What you see — both pleasing and repulsive —
is what you present. The question one must ask himself, when looking
into a mirror, is: Do I accept my reflection? If not, what will
I do about it?
Two
people who share a bed are mirrors, each reflecting the other’s
self-esteem. In other words, the person on the next pillow reflects
your self-esteem, and vice versa. People in relationships with
healthy egos mutually adore, support, and reinforce each other.
Conversely,
insecure folks choose, and too often keep, mates who bore or view them
with indifference or disdain — as is consistent with repulsive
mirror reflections — and have the highest likelihood of being
unfaithful. This explains why 50%-60% of married men and women cheat
on each other.
All
Kinds of Experiences
Some
things in life are reversible — the freezing and unfreezing of
water — while others are not: putting toothpaste back in the tube,
unringing the bell, unbaking the cake, and fixing a broken mirror. In
my opinion, infidelity is a broken mirror.
Despite
those who proclaim, after being caught in extramarital liaisons, that
they will work on and fix their marriages, it cannot be done. The dynamic
between the spouses is never the same again, because the foundation
of trust is permanently cracked.
To
wit: When Hillary Clinton took the oath of office as Secretary of State,
she expressed appreciation to her family for their love and support.
Then, while acknowledging her husband, she awkwardly said:
“I
am so grateful to him for a lifetime of all kinds of experiences
which have given me an extraordinary richness that I am absolutely beholden
to and grateful for.”
Watch
the video. Everybody in the room with Hillary and in front
of a TV knew that, through her sarcasm, she had made a public dig at
Bill for his infidelities. The foundation of trust is permanently cracked,
and their disingenuous charade of staying together fools nobody.
Unrepairable
Cracks
The
point is, one cannot erase the permanent mental image of, nor the resulting
emotional scar from, his or her cheating partner frolicking between
another’s legs, and one should not pretend to try.
The
pain from infidelity is transparent to all. From the point of transgression
forward, the reflection of the cheater in the partner’s mirror
will contain unrepairable cracks.
Unless
you’ve been hiding under a rock, you know that South Carolina’s
Governor Mark Sanford, in a pathetic public display, admitted cheating
on his wife Jenny and finding a soulmate, Maria Belen Chapur, in Argentina.
People gasped and cringed at hearing and witnessing this immature confession.
But,
Sanford is now miraculously ready to cast aside his soulmate from Buenos
Aires to “try to fall back in love with his wife of 20 years.”
He will rejoin
his family for the July 4th weekend to “repair the
damage he has done in his marriage,” as his wife Jenny is ready
to forgive him.
Let’s
break down the Sanford Saga:
1 -
We have no way of knowing whether Maria Belen Chapur is Mark Sanford’s
soulmate, because he’s not in his right mind. But, assume that
she is. Can Sanford now leave Maria, go back to Jenny, and totally
forget Maria? No way.
2 -
Does Jenny Sanford really believe her husband will switch off Maria
like a lightbulb, just because he’s “sorry” for
his behavior? Only if she’s naive.
3 -
Why would Jenny Sanford forgive her husband for cheating, knowing
that her marriage is permanently damaged? In the wedding vows, the
“for worse” part of for better or for worse does
not include infidelity. What does Jenny’s desire to forgive
say about her self-esteem?
4 -
It is impossible to “try to fall in love” with anyone.
Falling in love happens naturally, without effort, pressure, or coercion.
Love either
exists or it doesn’t.
5
- Staying together “for the sake of the children”
is a joke. The children see and know all, and engaging in a charade,
for their sake, hurts them worse.
Did
the Sanfords not observe the Clintons, the Spitzers, and many other
couples? Is this not déjà vu all over again? Of course
it is. These are not people with healthy egos. By staying together,
they are prolonging everybody’s pain.
The
NoNonsense Bottom Line
Once
Sanford decided that his wife no longer satisfied him, he owed her the
truth about his feelings and his decision to leave. Cheating is cowardly.
Every
time Sanford looks into Jenny’s broken mirror, he will see the
reflection of his infidelity. How long will he accept that reflection?
How long will Jenny accept it?
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Finally,
Mark Sanford’s respect for Jenny will diminish because she lowered
herself by taking him back. Eventually, both will learn that one cannot
heal from or forget infidelity. The only remedy for a broken mirror
is replacement.
Marc
H. Rudov, The NoNonsense Man®, is a globally known radio/TV personality,
relationship coach, speaker, and author of 100+ articles and the books
Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without
Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727) and
The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed
in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). The 2008
recipient of the National Coalition of Free Men’s “Award
for Excellence in Promoting Gender Fairness In The Media,” Mr.
Rudov is a frequent guest on Fox News Channel’s The O’Reilly
Factor and Your World with Neil Cavuto.
Rudov’s
books, articles, radio/TV archives, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.
Every time Sanford
looks into Jenny’s broken mirror, he will see the reflection of
his infidelity. How long will he accept that reflection? How long will
Jenny accept it?
