by Marc H. Rudov
March 9, 2009
Validating His Vitality
We all laugh when watching a dog chase a car. It’s inexplicable but amusing behavior. The dog achieves nothing, other than fatigue. Does the dog have any real interest in the car? No, just in chasing it … to validate his vitality.
I find it more amusing to watch a man chase women, especially because he has the faculties to know his behavior is idiotic and unnecessary. Does a man have any real interest in a woman he’s chasing? No, just in chasing her — which explains why, right after catching her, he wants a new one. He, like the dog, is validating his vitality.
Sadly, many women love to be chased, insist on being chased, falsely equating pursuit with passion. There’s a direct correlation between a woman’s insecurity and her desire to be pursued and courted. Newsflash to women of this ilk: men who chase love the chase, not you. Never interpret the chase as a compliment.
The women I’ve coached have admitted, reluctantly and repeatedly, that being chased like cars always has led to dysfunctional and broken relationships. And, the men I’ve coached tell a similar tale: when they chase like dogs, they never feel good about themselves. Right — and they never will.
I’ve written, ad nauseam, that men chase women because they’ve been socialized to believe a lie: the male libido far exceeds the female libido; chasing women is the only road to sex. In fact, this lie is the single source of all stupid male behavior.
The truth is, women are hornier than men, every day of the week (hint: that’s why they buy vibrators), and men don’t have to pay or chase for sex — ever. This is the underlying principle in my popular book Under the Clitoral Hood.
Men, unfortunately, don’t want to learn or accept the truth about female sexuality. Instead, they choose to cling to a psychological hangup, stemming from religious and cultural messages, that sexual women are sluts. Alas, this hangup prevents many men from enjoying women as peers.
Correspondingly, women have been socialized to downplay and deny their sexual appetites — mainly to assuage insecure men. Women tell me frequently that they habitually mask or attenuate their true sexual cravings — in other words, play a sexual charade — because most men can’t handle the truth.
Men who find comfort in this silly sexual charade will attract women who use the promise of sex to manipulate them, like Pavlov’s dogs, to spend money, do chores, and jump through hoops. I call this ritual Pavlovian sex: women dangle the bedroom keys; men salivate and beg.
When there’s friction in a Pavlovian relationship, the woman will not be the one apologizing — that’s for sure. To test this phenomenon, I dropped into my local Hallmark card shop, to ask the proprietress whether she sells any cards designed for women to express apologies to men. Nope. In fact, she told me that, if a woman feels the rare need to apologize to a man, she wouldn’t admit it publicly, especially in a card shop. Shocking.
I then visited two floral shops, both female-owned, to inquire about the percentage of women buying flowers to apologize to men. In each case, the owner laughed at me, saying, in essence: Women don’t apologize to men and certainly wouldn’t buy flowers to do so.
What about men? Oh, when men come to the florist, the first words out of their mouths are, “I screwed up,” or “I forgot our anniversary,” or “I need to make her happy. Can you help me?” For the record: a man who “forgets” his anniversary, in reality, hates his anniversary.
In addition to petals of penitence, apologetic Pavlovian men stimulate the economy by purchasing jewelry, cars, furs, vacations, and expensive meals to placate their angry women because, after all, only men err and bear the chief responsibility for relationship contrition. Right?
Illogical Weakness in Men
Where does a Pavlovian “dog” live after transgressing against his woman? In the proverbial doghouse, of course. Have you ever, in your entire life, heard of a woman “in the doghouse” after fighting with her boyfriend or husband? No, you haven’t — and you never will. Why? First rule of Pavlovian sex: women are always right; men are always wrong.
In fact, JC Penney built a Web-based doghouse into which “aggrieved women” are invited to put men. To exit said doghouse, the punished men must purchase jewelry. Imagine an American corporation treating women like dogs. How many execs would get fired for that! The reason they abuse men: men will take it.
After alerting my readers about JC Penney’s misandry, one of them went on a mission to confront Michael Boylson, SVP of corporate marketing. Here’s a synopsis of his exchange with Boylson:
Boylson admitted that the “doghouse” ad campaign was financed by DeBeers in conjunction with the JC Penney fine-jewelry division — and that the doghouse Website has garnered over 20M hits! According to Boylson, this ad “played off of the negative stereotypes of men.”
Boylson said that, of all the calls and responses JC Penney has received about the doghouse ad, mine was the ONLY negative one — one, singular f-cking complaint! No wonder this sh-t keeps happening.
When asked whether he would support advertising that trashes women, Boylson said, “No, because over 80% of our customers are female.” Said he: “We had a Fathers’ Day ad about 3 years ago that pissed women off, and we received tons of angry letters.” Boylson was adamant that JC Penney will not repeat that experience but has no compunction degrading men.
The double standard of permissible misandry but intolerable misogyny exists because too many men are chasing Pavlovian sex. Naturally, women see this illogical weakness in men and take advantage of it: at home, in bars and restaurants, in the workplace, in business, in the legal system, in universities, in the media, and in every other conceivable arena.
The NoNonsense Bottom Line
I spoke with a beautiful, talented, 25-year-old woman the other day. She was lamenting life in a man’s world. A man’s world, huh? I reminded her that women comprise 60% of college graduates and own most of the rights in this country — reproduction, rape, domestic violence, due process, child custody, etc.
Then, I set up this scenario for her: You go into a restaurant with no purse, and I’ll go into a restaurant with no wallet. Who, do you suppose, is going to eat dinner? She giggled to me, “I will.” Of course she’ll get the free meal — because, no matter where she goes, she’ll encounter men “trained” to chase Pavlovian sex.
Now, if you believe that whoever buys her dinner is just being a “gentleman,” you’re too socialized to get it. No, he’s a sucker. Why aren’t there scores of gentlewomen trained to treat men to dinner, instead of ditching them in a bad economy? Because they live and profit by the rules of Pavlovian sex.
So, what has the tradition of Pavlovian sex wrought? Illogically weak men who beg and salivate for sex, sanctimonious women who never apologize, and retailers like DeBeers and JC Penney that openly mock men. In other words, a sick culture.
Advice to Women: Choose between being chased and being respected; they are mutually exclusive conditions. Never use sex as a reward or punishment — it reduces you to a prostitute.
Advice to Men: Act like a car-chasing dog, get rewarded with sex for being a good boy and sent to the doghouse for being a bad boy. Or, you can be a man — take back the leash you handed her.
Advice to Men and Women: Only mutual pursuit produces mutual respect.
© 2009 - Marc H. Rudov - All Rights Reserved
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Marc H. Rudov is a globally known radio/TV personality, relationship coach, and author of 100+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727) and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). Mr. Rudov, the 2008 recipient of the National Coalition of Free Men’s “Award for Excellence In Promoting Gender Fairness In The Media,” is a frequent guest on Fox News Channel’s Your World with Neil Cavuto and The O’Reilly Factor.
Rudov’s books, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.
Radio Show: TheMarcRudovShow