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MONEY
TRUMPS LOVE
by Marc H. Rudov
January 10, 2009
NewsWithViews.com
House
in Malibu
On
a February 28, 2008, appearance on Fox & Friends, I said
that a woman meeting a man at a party will assess his value to her
based purely on his profession: “If he says ‘I’m
a doctor,’ she thinks, house in Malibu; if he says,
‘I’m a teacher,’ she thinks, Chevy Malibu.”
Men encourage women to behave this way.
For
the most part, relationships begin, endure, and end over money
— because people don’t know the
meaning of love. Just look at those parting gifts: alimony
and child support. Even though our parents taught us that love trumps
money, the setbacks we sustain in dating, marriage, and divorce don’t
reflect that teaching. Maybe that’s because our parents didn’t
walk their talk.
Every
Valentine’s Day, which I
urge all men to boycott, De Beers goads us into measuring
a man’s “love” for his woman by the number of karats
he places on her finger. Listen to women and men bragging
about those karats, proving De Beers’s success.
And,
by the way, have you ever noticed that people attribute the twin sobriquets
of generosity and stinginess only to men? Just think about the last
time you heard anybody accusing a woman of being cheap with
a man. Do men challenge this? No.
Finances
Are Private
People
don’t know the meaning of love, but they do know the meaning
of money. So, here are three familiar examples of how money trumps
love:
1.
Because a divorce can cause a man to lose his kids and 75% of his
wealth (property, pension, securities, cash, legal fees, child support,
and spousal support), in almost every case, he’ll stay
in a caustic marriage — sacrificing personal happiness
— rather than sustain financial loss. Instead, he’ll
irrationally wait for his wife to divorce him (wives initiate 70%
of all divorces) and ultimately lose more.
2.
Manhattanites (for example) will, without hesitation, drive or fly
many miles for business or job opportunities, or to purchase paintings,
but won’t “inconvenience” themselves to pursue
romances — regardless of their merits — in Long Island
or New Jersey. It’s amazing that those who constantly complain
about lacking love in their lives would rather be alone or settle
for nearby booty calls than disturb their comfortable routines to
find worthy, albeit geographically undesirable, partners.
3.
When total strangers meet on a blind date or at a party and find themselves
hot for each other, they will — in a heartbeat —
find a bed, expose their genitals, and exchange bodily fluids. Would
they so hastily expose their finances and exchange balance sheets?
Of course not. Finances are private; genitals (normally called private
parts) are not.
Many
men have told me that their ex-wives had threatened divorce unless
they received Jaguars or diamonds or vacations or new homes. And,
these men, in every case, relented to such extortion, deciding to
delay their inevitable divorces, which ended up costing them more
in the long run.
Is
such extortion predictable? Absolutely. When a man flashes his cash
to attract a woman, she’ll wave it back at him — after
she takes it. So, when you hear a man say that his relationship or
marriage is based on love, look more closely. Just ask him how his
girlfriend or wife is handling his new-found frugality in this economic
downturn — if she’s still there.
The
NoNonsense Bottom Line
As
long as men and women allow money to trump love — an unfortunate
fixture in our culture — they’ll find it impossible to
have functional, healthy, and happy relationships and marriages.
The
reality is, most of them don’t care. And, they prove this by
how they live: women equate their femininity to how much money men
spend on them; men equate their masculinity to how much money they
spend on women — just ask the ones who feel emasculated when
women pay for dinner.
Three
signs that money does not trump love in your life:
1.
Spending money is never, ever the “man’s role”
2. Money — given or received — is never
tied to self-worth, masculinity, or femininity
3. When necessary, both man and woman will
inconvenience themselves — through time invested, sleep lost,
and distance traveled — to be with each other.
Marc
H. Rudov is a globally known radio/TV personality and author of 90+ articles
and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine
Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727), and
The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in
Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). Mr. Rudov, the 2008
recipient of the National Coalition of Free Men’s “Award for
Excellence In Promoting Gender Fairness In The Media,” is a regular
guest on Fox News Channel’s Your World with Neil Cavuto and The
O’Reilly Factor.
Rudov’s
books, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.
Radio Show: TheMarcRudovShow
Website: TheNoNonsenseMan.com
E-Mail: marc@thenononsenseman.com
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As long as men and
women allow money to trump love — an unfortunate fixture in our
culture — they’ll find it impossible to have functional, healthy,
and happy relationships and marriages.
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