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By Dr. Laurie Roth Ph.D.
July 7, 2006
NewsWithViews.com

Given all the push by so many in the UN and our Government to globalize us, expand us, open our minds up, stop rude individualism, and turn us into a tasteless, non offensive casserole dish, I thought I would follow the terrain of thought and change a few things myself. Sometime ago I started to create a new bill of rights that would appeal to the far left and America sell out crowd. I have now finished those. You read them and tell me if they will work for you. We are told to be sensitive to all…….here is my attempt which is now expanded.

Bill of Rights

Amendment 1
Congress shall make laws denying rights to religion. Except if the Bible has been sanitized, gutted and deemed legal by NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association) in all 50 states.

Amendment 2
A well-regulated militia is necessary to the security of a free state. The right of the people to keep and bear arms is appropriate only if arms are defined as squirt guns, lamp shades, whoopee cushions and Anna Nicole Smith reruns. All other weapons are to be banned.

Amendment 3
No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war. However, any Governor, sane or insane, moral or corrupt can seize your property and home at any time if he smells an emergency or epidemic. Perhaps this will be the next solution to low state revenues.

Amendment 4
People have the right to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures. Except for the following: 94 year old grandmothers in wheelchairs at airports, gun owners, pro lifers, Bible thumpers, hunters, truck drivers and border patrol. All clones, revolving genders, actors, communists and flag burners are exempt from search and seizures.

Amendment 5
No person shall be held to answer for a capital crime unless presented by a peer group of lawyers currently recovering from herpes and who have been married at least 6 times. Also, no person shall be subject for the same offense twice unless of course he is a twin and the jury pool can't tell them apart. Triplets shall be charged at least three times.

Amendment 6
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial. The accused also gets 10% royalty rights on the tell all book, 7% royalties from airings on all major networks, 5% airings on reruns with Chinese and French subtitles, and 3% royalties for posing for tabloids. Since 50% of all accused felons go on to become a congressman, kickbacks to all union heads and ex-interns will be distributed equally by the association of lonely mathematicians, ALM.

Amendment 7
All law suits against tobacco companies start at 100 million, all casino suits start at 75 million; All obesity suits start at 65 million; All wrongful birth suits start at 50 million; All alien hate speech suits start at 46 million; All "I didn't get a date to the prom and now hate women" law suits start at 42 million; "I have the legs of a Tasmanian Wombat and no one will hire me" 30 million; I stuck my tongue on a frozen flag pole and the class left me standing there, 27 million; and finally, I share an IQ with 13 cousins and am too stupid to know who to sue, 22 million.

Amendment 8
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted except for the following people: Vets trying to stop the ACLU from taking down the memorial crosses; 1st graders complaining about gay love stories in the library; teenagers who rebelliously say on high school questionnaires what there sex is, when everyone knows sex is revolving and one can’t really know if they are a boy or girl, and those who would fight to keep their 2nd amendment rights even if they are outlawed. These groups are exempt from avoiding cruel and unusual punishment.

Amendment 9
The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. In fact not only will detained terrorist rights not be denied, soldiers yelling at or scaring a militant extremist will be court marshaled or demoted, Free passes will be given to the Oprah Winfrey show, along with a free month of treatment at Mayo’s clinic. As a bonus an updated map to America’s Christian churches and Jewish synagogues will be passed out. Finally, to ease all the stress with religious differences, Chaplains will no longer pray in Jesus name.

Amendment 10
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people. The following is a list of powers members of each state have.

1. The power to pray in public in the name of Pee Wee Herman
2. The power to lobby for the display of 300 foot tall condoms as memorials
3. The power to offer up names of new interns to serve in congress at cocktail parties
4. The power to wish you had a country with borders, to wish one nation under God meant something still, and the power to keep your mouth shut so it won’t hurt the crushed atheist down the street.
5. The power at age 75 to get a paper route since your social security money Will be reassigned to illegal aliens.

It is a time of complete change: God must go…..Hi Goddess. Borders must go….hello world. Values and morals must go……whatever feels good……large international corporations must rule……small independent business owners must die.

It is time to stop the endless attacks between us regarding Republican and Democrat, race, Christian vs. non Christian etc…..It is time to rise up, be heard and save our country as Americans. One and all must unite and redefine who we are and what this wonderful country stands for!!! We have a rock solid constitution and bill of rights….not to be messed with!!! We are a sovereign nation who has always respected and been a nation under God!!! Our founders and framers were bold Christians….face it! Stop trying to demonize that reality. It was the 10 commandments that built our legal system!

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For this girl…..it will NEVER be ok to open the borders, throw away our God and His morals, give away social security to foreigners, submit to any foreign power and turn in my guns because the UN or any other “progressive Government” says that our 2nd amendment rights are now illegal. They can kiss my grits!!! Our ancestors didn’t sacrifice their lives and limbs so we could turn this grand and noble country into an immoral, socialist regime that is open to all except Americans who live here!

© 2006 Dr. Laurie Roth - All Rights Reserved

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Laurie Roth has a Ph.D. in Counseling and held a small private practice for many years. She earned a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. She is the proverbial "pastor's daughter" when it comes to her sense of adventure and her independent thinking. Laurie is a singer/songwriter with five CD albums to her credit, one track, which landed her in Billboard's top 40 ranks and on the cover of Cash Box Magazine. She plays the piano, keyboard, and violin and has a voice that can penetrate your very soul.

In the late 90's, Laurie hosted and produced a successful PBS television show called "CD Highway" that aired nationally on 130 TV stations. What made the show a success was Laurie's on-air persona as she interviewed stars such as Al Green, Blondie, Pat Bennitar, Chicago, 3 Dog Night, Lou Rawls, Paul Revere and the Raiders, Christopher Cross, Men at Work, Billy Rae Cyrus, Diamond Rio, Rita Coolidge, and dozens more.

Laurie is also an accomplished Author, Cartoonist, and Artist. She has hosted successful radio shows in Boston and L.A. before going national. Tune in to The Roth Show, Weeknights from 7:00 to 10:00 pm PAC and find out for yourself! You can listen live on cable radio network (live on the internet) channel 6 or visit The Roth Show web site and click on "where to listen"   www.therothshow.com Call the Roth Show at: 1-800-837-9680

E-Mail: Drljroth@aol.com


 

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Also, no person shall be subject for the same offense twice unless of course he is a twin and the jury pool can't tell them apart. Triplets shall be charged at least three times.