PART 2 of 2
We Always Hate the One We Love
You see, although you can “love” what you need, you are at the same time less free. So (secretly), you hate the things that you grow to need because they rob you of your “freedom”—and make you mean and ugly.
Think of it! Every “love” of this sort is really a corrupting need that carries with it a secret loathing. Even the drinker and the smoker hate their pleasures, because their pleasures corrupt them and trick them out of their freedom in the guise of “freeing” and helping them —but they manage to interpret this slavery as a form of devotion. It is the very hatred that forms the basis of their addiction to drink or whatever. The vice helps them forget the guilt of hating what they say they love, as well as the truth concerning their compulsion to serve it.
Parents who are guilty of worshipping their parents become parents who tempt their children to worship them. Our reaction to their need is the beginning of our problems. If as infants we don’t react they will, of course, escalate their mistreatment of us until we do (so children can hardly avoid being infected to some extent). We are degraded products of degraded generations all the way back to antiquity. We never see the truth about it because we are too busy loving and hating, seeking to retrieve what we have lost from someone or something else.
Need Calling Itself Love
A child in a candy store experiences a hunger for sweets. The child’s promoted hunger serves the proprietor’s interests while the proprietor “serves” the child with a satisfaction that makes the child hungry for more.
This is the way it is with all skewed authorities and their wards.
A child may experience rejection if he grows too demanding. In one sense, a child’s need cries out: “I love you, how great you are! I need you, I need you!” The parent, now in the position of being abused by the child’s hungry demands, is pressured into the classic move of rejection.
The doctor, too, will experience impatience with his patient—particularly when the patient doesn’t get well and keeps pawing, clinging, and drawing support from the doctor. If the need for the support or assistance is rejected, the patient or child will develop a terrible hatred (judgment) against the doctor or parent. He feels an ambivalent desire to both please and murder the doctor or parent because of that rejection (or impatience). Feeling guilty over his malicious thoughts, he starts pawing again for treatment or approval.
Growing up rejected and full of problems, we seek comfort and security in marriage. We marry to be accepted or to find an object of contempt, to torment even as we were tormented. If we are accepted and loved, we settle down to a life of servitude in exchange for a few pretty words. If we become too demanding—just as we were with our parent—we could end up with the very rejection we feared and married to avoid.
Or—we could drive our partner up the wall with hate and frustration and give them grounds for rejecting us, which is usually what they married us for to begin with.
The Psychiatrist’s Revenge
The doctor becomes impatient with you.
You are sick too long and come too often—his pride is offended. He feels guilty. He resents you and is sick of your pawing. Now you hate him more but you feel guilty for it, so you try to get better to please him—but you only make yourself worse, and your need for him increases. The doctor resents you more, now it’s his turn to feel guilty and he tries harder to help you—you both continue to get worse. Round and round you go. You may even be secretly aware that he likes you for being sick, so you may even pretend to be sicker than you are to get the security your ego needs.
All that happens in an analysis is a transference or shifting of dependence from the parent to the “healer.” Our need for anyone gives power to others to destroy us. Some of us grow up to play god as doctor, priest, business tycoon or politician. But since most of us fail, we must remain content to be the “children of god.” That is to say, we use “our parent” as children try to do to tend to our psychic needs and little hurts—and enjoy being spoiled rotten in the process.
Look around and see what happens to the fool who seeks emotional security. First, he cops out to his wife who turns out to be his boss, god or even father figure. His employer plays the female game to the hilt— that is, he offers him the sky and builds up his ego sense of importance, then takes him for all he is worth and, when he is all used up, spent and incompetent, and no longer userful to him, he fires him (“divorce”). The buck finally passes “up” to the top of the totem pole of human wretchedness, as political salvation for big business, and the whole mess eventually is dominated by a dictator who lives at the expense of all.
It’s hell from the top down—each person corrupting and exploiting his inferior: psychically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Since we need to find security through a parental equivalent, why not return to our true parent-consciousness deep within?
We could do worse!
The Origins of Error
The problem shared by the entire human race has a common root, one that is seeded in infancy. An unspeakable parasitic “thing” is transmitted to each generation like an ancient family curse. As parents, we are mysteriously unaware of the scourge we carry. This “thing” infects every human spirit almost from the moment of birth. And while it lives in us it causes untold suffering, sickness, old age and a premature death in quiet or overt agony. Through it our identity is changed, and even as we start to grow we also start to deteriorate into something that provides a sort of emotional vitality (security) for that “thing” in our parents, who were the hapless victims of that same “thing” in their own parents.
Losing Our Identity to Temptation
To respond to temptation of any kind means to give up something of ourselves to that tempter. At that very moment, our reaction to the temptation causes the nature of the tempter to enter our soul and take root there. We grow up in the likeness of that temptation, with the same needs to tempt, to nag, or to feed on the life out of others.
You see, every person comes into the world equipped with an ego proclivity to play god that calls upon temptation to realize its full potential as a proud king and judge. The fact that temptation can bring our weaknesses to light, proves that the potential was there to begin with. This proclivity to play god means that each of us wished to be the only consciousness in the universe. The insidious intelligence, that I have called temptation, is aware of this need and supplies the excitement to be “conscious” or “aware” (but only in a way that we wish) —while really being deeply unconscious and unaware of the greater reality). This thing feeds on your weakness and sows in you a spore of its identity that eventually grows up in its image and likeness. This changed and deluded “you” begins to forage for other eager ego “suckers” to serve as ego food—and so it goes.
The judge-side of the ego enjoys the judgment seat, while the king-side delights in tempting people to worship it.
We can change people to serve our needs through being super mean or super “nice.” When we are super mean we trap people to hate us. And when we are super nice we trap people to “love” us—we feed their emotion either way.
Descendants of Deception
We are all descendants of parents who never conquered their own vanity, who have instead worn themselves to a frazzle trying to improve their ego status. Actually we are the products of one of those intriguing games in which mother “used” father. Marriage is like a crap game—the loser tries to get even, but loses again. Every “man” comes to the female with an unconscious need to make good a secret loss.
His first loss was to his mother, and the vicious cycle is completed with a tempting female. Children are born into a vamprish climate of intrigue. The longer man and woman live together the more they lose to each other, and their only hope of new life and glory is drawn from their children’s lives—and the rites and sacrifices begin anew.
So every helpless, vulnerable infant is sacrificed to the vanity of the parents who vie for the child’s affection to make good a sense of failing. The parent who receives this affection must spoil the child rotten, while the mate who is denied that homage tries to run him into the ground to get benefits from the child’s other response—hatred. This could even make the child over into the likeness of the contemptible loser—even compatible with him.
When most parents do manage to live “lovingly” and “in harmony” it is usually only because they have succeeded in keeping up the deception that began with “love at first sight.” Each puts the other on a pedestal of glory and makes them so secure that they never know they are being used. But when the awful truth dawns, loving becomes loathing, and life is derived by putting each other down instead of putting each other on.
Children, the Rejected Intruders
Whenever couples exist, degenerating into hypocritical dialogue (drivel) in a rosy world of make believe, they don’t need the child and may even feel threatened by the attention he needs. Each parent is afraid that their mate’s loving attention will be drawn away from them to the child—to anyone else for that matter. For, the moment this attention is lost, the ego of that other parent feels the accumulated insecurity and guilt that was previously buffered by the flattery of the other sycophant.
So, parental acceptance or rejection becomes the temptation that every child’s ego learns to need— in order to himself become a supreme ego condoning or condemning his parents. In stages, the child enters into the same trap his parents are lost in. Our first temptation is at the hands of our parents, who never see how wrong they are because they have managed to appropriate our innocence through our reaction, and they force us to express or serve their sickness. A child who is tempted to hate his parents will grow up with the sick vanity of the parents seeded in him—while the parent receives a sense of innocence in exchange. The child’s judgment upon his parents causes him to grow up with a need to judge, to find a substitute to use, to make him feel secure as the egotist (judge) he has come to be.
Growing up Neurotic
So a boy may grow up with a need to degrade (use) a woman to even the score with his mother, but then he is like his father was with his mother. Or he may grow up to seek security in the woman who spoiled him rotten like his mother.
The woman, while being worshipped by her mate, is in reality a slave of his growing need. The time will come when she will see that she is a slave and not the great lover she thought herself to be.
An infant is a tempting morsel for either one of these losers; it is a tender ego that can be tempted for its life by putting it on (or putting it down). By pretending love, a parent can weaken a child’s ego to keep giving of itself for that “love” (approval). This “love” does nothing more than make us feel safe and secure in our ugliness—which allows the ugliness to flourish and grow. We could end up worshipping our parents, putting them on so they will put us on, clinging to each other’s deteriorating presence for mutual emotion security.
Maturing Into Emotional Vampires
From the moment we come into this world we are covered with psychic leeches, sucked dry by their “love.” Sure, they “love” us—they need us! And because of this we grow up with a need (love) to use others in the same way. As we are cut off from the roots of our true life and selfhood, we flounder. Having lost our connection to the healthy source from which to grow, our only recourse is to absorb and live emotionally from our environment. And in that environment are weak people to feed upon, to make us “secure,” as well as “shining” examples to lead us.
These have made us into what we are, they have given us our “heritage.” Their love is like a vampire’s bite—and we become vampires too. Our changed identity, embryonic as it is, has the inherited pattern of those who got to us—and this corrupted pride begins immediately to look for elements that enable it to grow proudly, to see itself as an infallible king. Being what it is, it will not admit to being corrupted. It only wants to be more (proud) of what it is.
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We feed on people (who sometimes seem to sacrifice themselves to us). We look for objects of love and hate and we “look up” to those doing “their thing” more then we, who set the pace to glory. We also hate the Truth that would expose the falling pride for the monster it is, living on the dying, eating and being eaten, deceiving and being deceived, destroying and being destroyed. Lo and behold we find ourselves “mature” adults—sick, pathetic, cannibalized beings—craving to be whole human beings without really knowing what that would be like. God calls us to live on Him. But if we don’t, we exist on people—secure in our pride, blind to the truth of our misery, and suffering until death.
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[A special form of emotional self-control is the key to relating properly to yourself and to the world. Your very life depends on your responding in a right way to what is wrong with you, so that it cannot get or remain inside and rip you apart. To put up an invisible, impenetrable force shield of calm patience around you, you must learn to deal properly, without resentment, to pressures of any kind, whether from within or without. The audio exercises on my new credit-card-sized Cure Stress Device audio player show you how to do this and help you practice remaining in the proper state. To get your own Cure Stress Device, CLICK HERE, ]
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Roy Masters who in his 80s continues to broadcast the longest-running counseling show in talk radio history, his internationally syndicated daily radio program Advice Line, grew up in pre-WWII England. He started his journey toward understanding human nature when as a teen he saw a stage hypnotist at a vaudeville show in Brighton. The hypnotist easily put volunteer subjects in a spell and made them do outlandish things, like dancing with a broom and forgetting their own names.
Puzzled by the hypnotist's mysterious power, Roy distinctly remembers pondering the question: "Why can't hypnotism be used to make people act sensibly, rather than foolishly?" Inspired by the idea of harnessing this baffling force for good, he later pursued the art of hypnotism and established a successful hypnotherapy practice.
After several years of practice, Masters made his central and pivotal discovery about the root of people's emotional problems, addictions and complexes. He realized that people did not need hypnosis, because their core problem was that they are already hypnotized not by a clever stage performer, but by the stresses, pressures and seductions of daily life.
He used his knowledge to discover a way to help us become de-hypnotized, and discovered that the root of the power of negative suggestion lay in our wrong emotional response, that of resentment. Masters' remarkably effective exercise, a simple observation technique called Be Still and Know is at the core of his unmatched track record in helping people overcome even the most serious mental-emotional problems, and is the centerpiece of a successful program within the U.S. military community (Patriot Outreach) that is helping thousands of military personnel and their families cope with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).