Most of us have felt the sting of the cruelty of others, whether in our families, in our friendships, or in our businesses. Often cruelty leaves us shocked and incapable of rising above the moment. We feel ‘cut off at the knees,’ insulted, humiliated, and degraded. Where do unreasonable people get their power to upset and control us?
From the way we respond to their cruelty. Indeed, your health and well-being are in real danger from people, even members of your own family, who chip away, harp, nag, and aggravate the life out of you, until you feel like giving up on life.
You cannot fight unreasonable people with anger and resentment, because they sense how to use your out-of-control emotions against you. Driving you up the wall with fear and guilt and intimidating you into submission.
Take heart. There is not a single problem that you cannot solve if you will learn to be patient. It is said that we are the sum total of our experiences. Unfortunately, many of us are burdened by our past: our bad decisions, our guilts, our self-destructive escapes. Unless we learn to respond properly to each new stress in the present, we simply build upon that troublesome past. And without emotional self-control, the conditioning of the past continues to come through our current experiences to become our future.
Practicing patience is essential to retaining your own identity in a pressure-filled world. The wrong emotional reaction to various pressures is making more and more people sick and depressed, driving them ever deeper into conflict with themselves. In trying to solve pressure-caused conflicts, many people turn to consciousness-reducing aids like drink, tobacco and drugs—legal and illegal.
Compulsively reacting to people and things represents a subtle form of slavery to a variety of pressure sources. As the relentless pressures that people apply (sometimes in the name of God and good) cause you to react, your angry reaction throws you out of control so that you can no longer live your own life and you end up feeling confused and depressed.
Most of your work, family, and even sexual problems, arise directly from your failing to respond in a right way to what is wrong in the people around you. Sadly, this all too often manifests in your taking out the resulting frustrations on your loved ones. Conflict with yourself translates into conflict with others.
Most of the things that are wrong with your life, your marriage, your health and your children can be resolved by discovering how to truly control your emotions—without unbearable suppression.
One bad emotional upset can ruin your whole day. And being chronically angry or upset can literally turn your life upside-down. Even though you may be technically correct in what you say or do, if you do it resentfully, your emotions can betray you. You begin to doubt yourself, which causes conflict, depression, and paralyzing fear.
Emotion destroys your objectivity and in failing to see clearly, you make terrible errors of judgment. The results of bad judgment lead to a fear of making decisions, so that you may begin to look too much to others for guidance. And you know how upsetting it can be if they happen to be wrong or take advantage of you.
To avoid all these unpleasant repercussions, you must learn how to be patient with selfish and thoughtless people. You must learn to remain poised and calm under pressure; otherwise, what is wrong in them will show up in you and make you look like the bad guy. Then, everyone is so surprised with your emotional overreaction that they fail to see what they did wrong to provoke that reaction—and that in turn becomes another unjust, upsetting, frustrating, and scary experience for you.
Cruel, unthinking people feed off the way you respond to their aggravation; they walk away self-righteous and satisfied, leaving you frustrated, confused, and depressed. They get their power from your overreaction, while your resentment often makes you feel and look like the guilty one.
‘Successful’ domineering (unprincipled) people drain you and make your life wretched; they can always be sure of confusing and controlling you through your oversensitivity to their pressure.
This same dehumanizing pressure, when used to motivate students to achieve and study hard, often succeeds—but at the expense of the victim's true happiness and self-confidence. Programmed by pressure and cruelty, that person may conform and become a ‘success,’ or he may rebel and become a ‘failure.’ But either way, he ends up in conflict with himself and others.
Today, home and school pressures are alienating millions of young people, creating monster rebels and delinquents, driving many to escape into drugs, crime and suicide.
Your out-of-control emotions condition you to respond more and more as an animal and less and less as a real person, until everything you think, feel, do, and say in that emotionally charged state of mind brings with it more conflict, fear, and despair. Overreaction to stress can, and usually does, lead to the appearance of physical symptoms, as well as opportunistic diseases from being run down.
You must learn to cope with pressures. If you can do that, if you can put the emphasis where it belongs, on standing up for your principles with calm patience and self-control, you can stave off disaster.
The way we react to pressure is the cause of most of our suffering. Indeed, upsetting us is the primary technique manipulative people use to motivate. Perhaps you have your own private dictator currently aggravating the life out of you. Therefore, learn to be patient before it is too late.
Through the shock of emotional upset, especially resentment, a compelling or morbid suggestion can be planted in your subconscious mind. Even if your reaction causes you to struggle against the suggestion, you may still find yourself obliged to give in to ease the pain that your emotional resistance causes. Your life becomes a weary struggle encumbered by subliminal suggestions, much like driving your car with the brakes on.
Giving in to pressure-mongers, who then praise you for your conformity, is a common but unhealthy ‘people-pleasing syndrome’ that you often mistake for love and loyalty. It takes place between wife and husband, between mother and child, and even between churches and their parishioners.
It is very hard to say “no” to pushy, irritating people. They seem to know all the right buttons to push. You tend to favor people who apply pressure: your boss, your wife, or even your kids. And when you finally reach the breaking point, you may rebel against study, work, even family. The result can be a retreat into some form of self-destructive escape, or else a debilitating disease or nervous breakdown.
It all boils down to this: overreaction to stress is your weakness, your Achilles heel. All heartless, power-hungry, unprincipled people instinctively know how to make your emotions work for them and they will have no qualms about casting you aside after you are used and broken.
The world is dominated by tyrants, teasers and psychopaths. Some of them get to you through cruelty, while others manipulate you with a holier-than-thou, irritating kindness. They might use both methods to confuse you, being mean one moment and ‘kind’ the next. Their bold, unprincipled manner upsets you, and because being upset is the wrong way to deal with others, you feel guilty. That guilt, making you feel wrong, can make the intimidator seem right in your eyes.
Then, suddenly changing roles and becoming ‘nice,’ the intimidator can intensify your guilt feelings and your sense of being wrong, making you doubt yourself even more. In that manner you are made to believe that they were right all along. And so you learn to go along with their wishes. You find yourself doing things you would never have done in your right mind, and that upsets you all over again. This vicious cycle, with a built-in upset factor, repeats itself endlessly, until you can feel like killing them or yourself.
Human beings are not meant to be externally motivated like animals but, because of a little understood ego-weakness, we are. That is why we all have paralyzing conflicts, anxieties, and fears. This is the basis of all our problems. Until you discover the secret of turning yourself on from what you realize is right deep down in your heart, you will always be an externalized human being, compelled to act against your own better judgment, hurting people you love, and doing things for which you are sorry later.
Instead of reacting with upset, what if you could learn to look injustice straight in the eye, without flinching—patiently, calmly and with endless endurance? Surely then you would not have the problems of repressing or expressing resentment. You would be in control. This then is the basis for a truly enlightened stress-reduction program: learning the secret of self-control through patience.
I know what you want. You want relief from your nervous tension and guilt feelings. You want solutions to your family problems and sex problems. You want to stop smoking, drinking and overeating—you want happiness. But you will never find what you are seeking until you discover the hidden root cause of your trouble, which is that you allow people to upset you.
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Emotional self-control is the key you are seeking. You very life depends on your responding in a right way to what is wrong with you, so that it cannot get inside and rip you apart.
Your main line of defense is to stay calm and patient. Seeing you unmoved, the motivator’s tactics backfire on him. He or she becomes upset, loses power, and panics. The game is over. So learn to put up an invisible, impenetrable force shield of calm patience around you. It will allow the good to come through, but will stop the ugly world from getting in and growing up inside you to control your destiny.
[To put up an invisible, impenetrable force shield of calm patience around you, you must learn to deal properly, without resentment, to pressures of any kind. The audio exercises on my new credit-card-sized Cure Stress Device audio player show you how to do this —and help you practice remaining in the proper state. To get your own Cure Stress Device, either CLICK HERE, or call 1-855-287-3787 (1-855-CURESTRESS) during West Coast business hours M-F, or go to http://CureStress.info on the Internet.]
Listen to Roy Masters LIVE call in radio show Monday to Friday from 9 PM to 11 PM Pacific on KDWN Radio in Las Vegas, NV.
© 2012 Roy Masters - All Rights Reserved
Roy Masters—who in his 80s continues to broadcast the longest-running counseling show in talk radio history, his internationally syndicated daily radio program Advice Line, grew up in pre-WWII England. He started his journey toward understanding human nature when as a teen he saw a stage hypnotist at a vaudeville show in Brighton. The hypnotist easily put volunteer subjects in a spell and made them do outlandish things, like dancing with a broom and forgetting their own names.
Puzzled by the hypnotist’s mysterious power, Roy distinctly remembers pondering the question: “Why can’t hypnotism be used to make people act sensibly, rather than foolishly?” Inspired by the idea of harnessing this baffling force for good, he later pursued the art of hypnotism and established a successful hypnotherapy practice.
After several years of practice, Masters made his central and pivotal discovery about the root of people’s emotional problems, addictions and complexes. He realized that people did not need hypnosis, because their core problem was that they are already hypnotized—not by a clever stage performer, but by the stresses, pressures and seductions of daily life.
He used his knowledge to discover a way to help us become de-hypnotized, and discovered that the root of the power of negative suggestion lay in our wrong emotional response, that of resentment. Masters’ remarkably effective exercise, a simple observation technique called Be Still and Know—is at the core of his unmatched track record in helping people overcome even the most serious mental-emotional problems, and is the centerpiece of a successful program within the U.S. military community (“Patriot Outreach”) that is helping thousands of military personnel and their families cope with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).