June 6, 2013
(My thanks to reader Ruth P., whose comment inspired this essay.)
Democrat scientists at the Social Justice Research Institute have invented a device which they’re calling “a smart meter for the brain.”
“We’re tremendously excited!” gibbered Dr. Poll Potts, director of the institute. “What the wheel did for civilization, this technology will do for social justice and transformational change.”
How is it like a smart meter? The project’s director, Prof. Ilyich Mugabe Castro, explained.
“You put the smart meter in your home so that somebody at the power company can see how much electricity you’re using,” he said. “If you’re using too much, and threatening the planet, they can very easily turn off your electric. Clunk! No juice for you.
“Smart meters will allow the government to cross-reference your electricity use with other information, such as the user’s political affiliation, what kind of groups he’s a member of, does he smoke, has he signed a petition against gay marriage—it’s all in the computer. There’s only so much electricity to go around, and we don’t want it going to waste on undeserving, non-progressive people.”
Dr. Anita Mao Tse-tung, who built the first prototype of what she fondly calls her baby, explained further.
“It’s very simple. You just implant it in the brain, preferably at birth,” she said. “We’ve got it down to about the size of a baseball, so we don’t have to scoop out too much brain tissue to make room for it.”
But how does it work? What does it do? The chief electrical engineer, Hugo Chavez Clinton, has the answers.
“Just as the smart meter in your home monitors electricity use,” he said, “this little doohickey monitors your brain activity. In other words, it reads your thoughts. Cool!
“Up till now, if someone had a nasty thought about the president, or resented the way we redistributed his wealth, we’d never know he had these thoughts unless he said so. That makes it hard to apply corrective measures, such as re-education, sensitivity training, or death.
“Once this smart meter is installed in your brain, it will send a steady signal to your local IRS office. The moment you have an un-progressive thought, or an emotion that you really shouldn’t have, they’ll know it. And they’ll take appropriate action.”
But as exciting as this is, the real excitement lies in the future of this technology.
“So far, the smart meter can only monitor what’s coming out of your brain,” said Dr. Nancy No, the institute’s special gender chair-whatsit. “But what if we could actually control what comes out of a human brain—by putting things in? Would that be a triumph, or what?”
“As rewarding as it is to make people do things they don’t want to do, and stop them from doing things they want to do, it’s still a lot of trouble,” mused Comrade Ho Chi Bloomberg, the project’s financial overseer. “And so the next phase in the evolution of the human smart meter will be to direct your thoughts, and not just read them.
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“This has long been progressivism’s dream—to tell the stupid ordinary person when to get up, what to eat, where to go to work, how to spend your money, how to spend your time, and when to go to bed. Up to now, we’ve always had to rely on relatively primitive methods to instill compliance—public schooling, television, extravagant promises, torture, etc. Up to now, we haven’t found a way to engineer free will out of the system. But now it seems we’re on the very brink of doing that.”
“Think how easy it will be to govern the country, once you remove free will from the psyches of the governed—and reserve it only to those who can handle it, like us,” Poll Potts said. “Let’s face it—most people don’t know what to do with free will. It ought to be reserved to true progressives only. For everyone else, a smart meter! But of course members of Congress, and IRS personnel, will be exempt.”
But we think we saw a twinkle in her eye when she added, “You have my word on it.”
© 2013 Lee Duigon - All Rights Reserved
Lee Duigon, a contributing editor with the Chalcedon Foundation, is a former newspaper reporter and editor, small businessman, teacher, and horror novelist. He has been married to his wife, Patricia, for 34 years. See his new fantasy/adventure novels, Bell Mountain and The Cellar Beneath the Cellar, available on www.amazon.com