September 15, 2011
Here Comes the Death Star
Can Man-Made Global Warming—also known as “Climate Change,” when the weather is cold—be saved?
It could have been so fine. Here, at long last, was the magic incantation for controlling people’s lives. Here was the formula by which a gang of nasty little nerds could take away your car, turn off your air conditioner, confiscate your light bulbs, restrict you to one sheet of toilet paper per visit to the john, raise your taxes as high as they pleased, and do virtually anything else they could ever think of doing to you—and all in the name of a noble cause: to save the planet.
And then the wheels fell off the juggernaut. The “Climategate” scandal, in which thousands of confidential emails were leaked to European newspapers, exposed the alleged scientists as liars, finaglers, plotters, and frauds.
But they haven’t given up! They’ll gobble up our money and our freedoms if it’s the last thing they ever do.
To that end, Al Gore declares that “climate change deniers”—implying that no one but a wicked idiot could ever have any doubts about his apocalyptic spook story—are “like racists,” and should be treated like racists. Chimed in The Democrat Examiner (Aug. 28), “[D]o climate change deniers need to be socially ostracized and marginalized in order to illustrate their moral and intellectual failure concerning the environment?”
Of course, they’ve been doing that all along. Everyone who refuses to bow down to the idol that the nerds have made is branded “anti-Science” by the trained-seal “news” media.
But just calling names will only get them so far. After all, the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN)—they built that giant particle accelerator in Switzerland—now says that climate change is caused not by SUVs or toilet paper, but by the sun and cosmic rays. CERN has known this for years, but held back from releasing its findings due to political pressure from the Global Warming mob. (See “The Other Climate Theory,” Sept. 7, by Anne Jolis of The Wall Street Journal, in online.wsj.com/) They can hardly accuse CERN of being a Red State anti-Science ignoramus.
Enter NASA. NASA may not be able to put a man on the moon anymore, but by gum, they’ll go to bat for Man-Made Global Warming.
In a paper entitled “Would Contact with Extraterrestrials Benefit or Harm Humanity? A Scenario Analysis,” NASA nebbish Shawn Domagal-Goldman discusses how space aliens might home in on our carbon footprint. (You can read the whole paper here) Let us quote directly from Section 5 of the paper.
“Humanity may just now be entering the period in which rapid civilizational expansion could be detected by an ETI [Extraterrestrial Intelligence] because our expansion is changing the composition of Earth’s atmosphere (e.g. via greenhouse gas emissions), which therefore changes the spectral signature of Earth… it should at a minimum give us pause as we evaluate our expansive tendencies.” (And all you smart-mouths at CERN please just shut up!)
He goes on, “If one’s goal is to maximize ecosystem flourishing, then perhaps it would be better if humanity did not exist, or at least if it existed in a significantly reduced form…”
Are you getting this? Is anybody out there willing to help maximize the ecosystem by committing suicide? Don’t all volunteer at once.
And then, “Given that we have already altered our environment in ways that may be viewed as unethical by universalist ETI”—Klaatu barada nikto!—“it may be prudent to avoid sending any message that shows evidence of our negative environmental impact.” If we lie low and live like 12th-century Scottish peasants, the aliens might overlook us. “The chemical composition of Earth’s atmosphere over recent time may be a poor choice for a message because it would show a rapid accumulation of carbon dioxide. Likewise any message that indicates of widespread loss of biodiversity or rapid rates of expansion may be dangerous if received by such universalist ETI.” Here they come to avenge the five-spotted burping newt!
Finally, “advanced ETI may already know about our rapid environmental impact by listening to leaked electronic signals…”
Here we come to rest on very familiar ground. In how many old black-and-white science fiction movies have you seen this exchange? Terrified Earthman: “But how is it that you speak our language?” Scary Bug-eyed Space Alien: “For many years we have monitored your radio and television transmissions.”
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Wow! Wait’ll the ETs find out that Jerry Lewis was dumped from the Labor Day telethon. They’ll send the Death Star after us.
But there you have it, straight from the horse’s… er, mouth. You’d better all be good little Greenie serfs like we tell you to, or else the Galactic Empire’s gonna come and zap you.
If that doesn’t make a Climate Change believer out of you, I don’t know what will.
© 2011 Lee Duigon - All Rights Reserved
Lee Duigon, a contributing editor with the Chalcedon Foundation, is a former newspaper reporter and editor, small businessman, teacher, and horror novelist. He has been married to his wife, Patricia, for 34 years. See his new fantasy/adventure novels, Bell Mountain and The Cellar Beneath the Cellar, available on www.amazon.com