MARTHA STEWART FOR CONGRESS!
Martha Stewart's conviction for lying, conspiracy and obstruction of justice should be a lesson for all of us on the proper way to lie, conspire and obstruct justice. Because it's not that what she did was wrong, it's just that she chose the wrong place to do it. If she wants to lie, conspire and obstruct justice, without the slightest chance of ever being punished, she needs to be a member of the U.S. Congress. Or better yet, she needs to be the President.
Part of what happened is her own fault. When Martha was originally hauled in front of investigators and accused of insider trading, she tried to reason with them. Huge mistake! Since she would never have found herself in the middle of an investigation unless she had done something wrong, she was obviously lying when she declared her innocence. Then, she attempted to get her story straight with her broker, which got her the obstruction of conviction charge.
They never even charged her with the insider trading she was accused of lying about. It was just assumed she was guilty of lying when she refused to confess to the crime. (And we wonder why nearly twenty five percent of the entire world's prison population is incarcerated right here in America!)
Hmm. Lying, conspiracy and obstruction of justice. It sounds like instead of jail, the right place for Martha Stewart to serve her sentence might be in the U.S. Congress, where lying is the native tongue. And where conspiracy and obstruction of justice are considered to be sporting events.
Case in point: Have you ever heard a Congressman talk about the Social Security "Trust Fund?" That "fund" was robbed blind years ago and is now trillions in on the hole. The money is all gone, but is anyone serving time for the heist? Not a chance. Clearly, Martha needs to pick a better place to hang out if she wants to lie, conspire and obstruct justice.
Then, if Martha really wanted to challenge her skills, she could always move it up a notch and run for President, because presidents have been lying for years. Bill Clinton even got impeached for lying. At least he received a terribly brutal punishment for his crimes - which included multi-million dollar book deals and $100,000 speaking gigs. We hear he is still trying to recover from the ordeal.
Then there is the current occupant of the oval office. To be fair, and since no one has gone to trial yet, we will refer to the Iraqi WMD and imminent invasion stories as "alleged huge, whopping fibs."
It became evident soon after the war started (way before it started for a lot of us) that Iraq was never a danger to us and had no stockpiles of WMD that were ready to be unleashed on American cities.
Once we got into Iraq and had a chance to look at the wreckage, the WMD "alleged huge, whopping fibs" were quickly exposed. In the process of this colossal disaster, we have managed to kill almost 600 of the finest men and women our country has to offer and burn through a couple of hundred billion dollars we do not have.
It would be fair to say, it was not the truth that got us into the nasty situation in Iraq.
Immediately upon the realization that all the WMD "alleged huge, whopping fibs" were being exposed, the CIA, the FBI, the ATF, the NSA and FOX News got together and conspired how to spin this story. Their mission was to make us believe that a third-world country, which had no army, could ever have posed even the slightest danger us.
That was a tough spin, even for the pros, but they gave it a valiant effort. I would love to have been a fly on the wall in some of those "obstruction of truth" meetings. "Did anybody here say imminent threat? No, we said Iraq was a gathering threat. Now repeat after me … gathering threat."
We should give the guys responsible for the Iraqi carnage some kind of an award for their efforts, because while they get to roam around freely, Martha Stewart gets to go to jail. Only in America!
I have no idea if Martha broke the law or not. What is clear to many of us who have experienced a kangaroo court like the one she was drug into, is that a conviction has absolutely no correlation to the truth. Her biggest mistake seems to be that she was playing by the wrong set of rules.
Martha may yet be able to come out of this a winner. Her conviction for lying really only qualifies her for amateur status when compared to the professional liars who rule this nation. But if she ever decides to apply herself, she would be a shoe-in for the U.S. Congress, where lying, conspiracy and obstruction of justice have been elevated to a form of art.
© 2004 David Brownlow
- All Rights Reserved
Dave Brownlow, an engineer, has been designing and selling industrial automation control systems since 1979. He lives in Clackamas OR with his wife Suzanne and their four children. Active in the pro-life movement and conservative politics for over 20 years, David ran for US Congress in the 3rd District of Oregon in 2002 on the Constitution Party ticket. He has announced his plans to run again in 2004. His Web-Site www.davebrownlow.com E-Mail: email@example.com
"Hmm. Lying, conspiracy and obstruction of justice. It sounds like instead of jail, the right place for Martha Stewart to serve her sentence might be in the U.S. Congress, where lying is the native tongue."